Was this abuse?


We were close friends for 2 years before he “asked me out” on a date at his apartment… He knew about my past relationship and knew about my history of sexual abuse from people when I was 10 years old.
So when he tried to get my clothes off, I told him I didn’t want to do that yet.. And he wouldn’t stop and I kept saying I didn’t want to. Then he said I should take my shirt of and that would be it. And I stupidly believed him and took it off, hoping it would stop there. But then he kind of said okay then, lets play a game where I had to name the songs he played on his violin, and that to every wrong answer, I should take a piece of clothing off. I knew I would lose and I didn’t want to do it… But i don’t know how it ended up happening, I was unclothed and it was just happening. And it hurt so freaking bad… And when he dropped me off at work he said it reminded him of his ex and drove off.. But I stayed with him for the next 7-8 months and every time he wanted us too meet, he wanted me on his bed. There were a few times where it was okay, I liked being there with him but when it came to the sex part I didn’t want to do it… Was this abuse? I’m confused..

Category: asked December 7, 2014

2 Answers

Exactly. You were bullied into the sex and were convinced it was the only option you had. You need to get away from this person. Sorry that you had to experience this for so long.
It was not abuse, it was rape. Even though you consented to the game, you did not consent to the sex and that was very clear in the beginning. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Men and boys should learn how to take "no" for an answer and stop taking advantage of women. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I would be glad to talk, or you can call a hotline which deals with abused and raped women. Unfortunately, it may be reported to the authorities if you go through a hotline; but, they are extremely helpful.. Best of luck!!