want to date a younger guy


Ok so I have a huge dilemma

Until last year I had been in an abusive marriage for 20 years. I planned an escape and one of my very very long-time friends (a guy, let’s call him Mac) helped me through the ordeal. Once I was settled in a women’s shelter, I had no contact with him – he was also in a relationship (although short-term) at the time.

Now a year has gone by and after separation, legal proceedings and lots of other hassles, I find myself finally settling down in life – I still have some way to go, but I’m ready to pick myself up and start living life again. Mac (now single) was in contact with me recently and we met up for dinner with a few other friends, we had a lot of catching up to do, and I still had not thanked him for all he had helped me through. We’ve got a few more outings with friends planned for the next few weeks, so I should be seeing him again quite soon.

My dilemma is this – I had never thought of Mac in ANY romantic way whatsoever, but now I find myself thinking about him quite often, in quite a romantic way! Only problem is that he is 10 years younger than me. I have thought long and hard about certain implications, such as me potentially not being able to give him what he might want in life (such as a family of his own, since I’m soon approaching menopause). I don’t want to waste his time if he wants to find someone younger to start a family with etc etc etc. Also, I have a child of my own, and although they get along like a house on fire, he might not want to be burdened with such a responsibility. In a nutshell, I don’t want to impose myself in his life if he has other life goals.

I’ve been told by my sister that it is presumptuous of me to decide for him, and he might want to be with me after all, but I still don’t even know if he has any interest! I obviously don’t want to ask him myself, because if there is no interest, I don’t want to make our great friendship awkward. I want to let things run their natural course, but at the same time I want to hint to him that I’d be open to the idea of starting something slowly.

I feel like a teenager again lol! I truly don’t know what to do!

Category: asked July 18, 2015

4 Answers

You could get a mutual friend to be your wingwoman and start dropping hints. Never assume anything; he might just be open to being in a relationship. Take things slow....you need a game plan.
Well done you, on getting out of an abusive relationship because I know that is not easy.
I agree with your sister, it is up to him to decide what is best for him. So please stop putting yourself down, you are more than worthy of being in a relationship with and its sounds likd he would be very lucky to have such a caring, thoughtful woman in his life.
Maybe invite him to something where its just the two of you away from the rest of your. Just something casual as friends and it might help you see if the feelings are mutual.best of luck!
Look you just got out of a long term relationship and I wouldn't jump back into another one. But that being said if Mac is pretty hot and you have an interest in something physical, maybe you should try it.
I'm so happy for you for getting out of an abusive relationship, it's not an easy thing to do and recognize<3 As for the other topic I really think you should just tell him that you're willing to take things to the next level if he's willing to do that too. If he agrees then congrats!