very confused in virtual tangle

2

So I am in a long distance relationship. We hit the bottom a month ago. And almost broke up. Or maybe actually did but idk. It was weird . We had stopped talking. And in that time I met this another guy. Online. And I started having a liking to him. Then I found out he has a gf. So I kinda stopped myself. But the feelings were there. We used to talk about our gf bf. He would tell me how she isn’t that good to him sometimes. And let me be honest here , our personality our situations are DITTO. And I would have loved to ask him out or like that if he were not with someone else. But then my bf came along and we were together again. And this time we were really intimate. Or as intimate as someone can be thousands of kilometres far. He promised he wouldn’t do stuff like this, over think and dismiss me like I’m not worthy caring for and everything. But whenever we argue or whenever he starts being distant. I think about my that friend. And wonder how things would have been different if he were with me. Since he is an amazing bf from what I can see. And he deserves a lot more than his gf how actually resembles my bf personality a lot
I even thought about him. Like *that* today.
Idk what I’m doing
I’m confused as to what to do

asked May 22, 2015

7 Answers

1
Don't you think it's time to be assertive about your own relationship as to what you want? Aside from being around to give you attention, what other purpose is the relationship serving? Whenever you guys argue, he gets distance with you. Why hang around a guy who blows hot and cold in a relationship? He clearly doesn't sound like someone who is ready to be in a relationship.

Now onto yourfriend who you have just met. The grass is not always greener on the otherside and in this case I wonder if he would be any better. Has he mentioned reasons why he would continue to be in a relationship with her despite how she treats him? Has he talked about improving things with her? Has he talked about what he is plans to do if working out things with her fails? As rinseandreprinseandrepIn points out, "Keep in mind everyone is awesome in relationship when their point of view is the only one you get to see it from."
1
I #know# he is good to her. I mean he is awfully in love with her. And i have known him for quite a bit time to make sense that he actually is a good person. The times he has been there for me when no one was. It feels amazing.
i dont want to be the type of girl who acts like a third person or wish someone harm but i just dont like his gf. She doesnt deserve him
it;s his choice, i know. But i wish he could see she has nothing to offer but distance and exploiting him for small things.
The feelings for him come and go. And i dont know if i wanna act on them and ruin our friendship or something like that
1
Why don't you try to step back and see what unfolds. Cos from what it seems you aren't sure enough to act on anything.
Can also be that this guy is just a rebound, a save idealistic world you have concocted to escape from your current situation.

Maybe he really is a good guy. But you need to be sure about: first, if you wanna break up with your current boyfriend, because from what i can see, you only crawl back to the other when you aren't treated "right".
And secondly, if you really, actually have genuine feelings for the other guy.

as of right now, CLEAR YOUR HEAD.
Try to be very sure about your mixed feelings.
Cos no one knows what goes on in your head and heart except you!
0
With liking people already in relationships, one polite way to handle it is to tell them you would like to try dating if they are ever free again, and then backing way off and staying away until you hear from them. So ideally you could tell him and then you can dump your current boyfriend if the other guy ever tells you he's ready to give it a try. Quite brutal but if that's how you feel, so be it.
Keep in mind everyone is awesome in relationship when their point of view is the only one you get to see it from.
0
You say that he is a very good person and that he understands you the most and has been there for you when you needed him to be. So maybe you should tell him how you feel and how you don't want your friendship to be ruined because of it. Be truthful and frank, 'cause if he is the person you say he is then I bet he will be mature about it. And maybe you both will get what you are missing out. And just to "AnnieH" - Having feelings for someone doesnot mean to have a physical contact only. ya its a major factor but not the only factor. ya it maybe a little different when you actually meet them but not all people put on a fake identity on the internet. so maybe you should rethink on what you think
0
I agree you should step back and think over. Would you REALLY miss your current bf if you break? The other guy is awfully in love with his gf, as you mentioned, so please forget about him. During my small dating experience (Tinder, https://kovla.com/ ), I had almost similar situation: I was with a girl I didn't like enough to be with, and there was another girl, too, I adored, but she didn't seem to like me) I regret I didn't broke with both and just wasted my time. Who knows, may be I would met someone I could be really happy with.
-2
I'm confused by long distance relationships that are with people who have never physically met. Don't get me wrong, I'm so far opposite of being any kind of relationship expert that I have no good advice for anyone. But so what if you are having what you call a relationship with 20 people at once? What does it matter. I mean if you are never physically in the same room with them what is the point in any kind of binding commitment. You said that you had thought about him like *that*, so I am guessing that was in a sexual way. Well no matter what is the stimulus, porn, forbidden thoughts, or a virtual lover on the web, it is still only masturbation and since that is with yourself, don't feel guilty. Get yourself as many virtual lovers as you can.