That's awful! I will say- you of course can't be sure he actually did, he may just have left the room, or stopped responding for another reason. However, I imagine that not being able to know for sure is the worst thing. My hat goes off to you, what has happened to you sounds to me like the worst possible outcome of a conversation with a venter and however you're handling it, I'm impressed with you being able to handle it at all.My advice to you: one thing you must always remember and say to yourself over and over; you did all you could- even if it wasn't enough, you did the right, best thing in the situation, and if the venter did indeed do himself in, it is not your fault. The other thing, and you may have already done this a few times now; if something this upsetting happens to you, you should log on as a venter and just vent all your sorrow and frustration and get it out. You truly deserve it.In conclusion, I think you're courageous to keep the connection for as long as you did. It takes a lot to face the situation of dealing with someone in such a dark place, a lot of people would just crack and cut the chat. I wish you all the luck to get past feeling bad or frustrated over this, and you definitely can!Good luck.
You have potentially come across the worst case scenario on Blahtherapy. I'm not saying that this guy did end up taking his own life. Maybe he just left his computer to go to bed without disconnecting? He had to leave suddenly? Someone caught him on the computer? The possibilities are endless. However, the chance that he did take his life is still there. This is essentially why it's important for Listeners to refer any suicidal venter onto some trained personnel (whether they be volunteer or professional) so that they might get the help. It is unfair on any untrained person to have a responsibility such as this mounted on them, especially with no mental training. It's a mentally draining operation. In fact, even the people that do this for hotlines require one counseling session every two weeks (at least where I work). If you come across a suicidal venter again, you have the full right to disconnect from the conversation. Let them know that you are not comfortable and refer them to some trained personnel, if possible. If you are comfortable, make sure you do not tell them what to do. They don't want advice. They want someone to listen. Ask open-ended questions; how they are feeling, what's happening, even how they plan on taking their life. I'm not suggesting that you didn't do any of this, but it's very important. Now, in answer to your problem; make sure you treat yourself well for the next few days. The truth is, you're never going to know if this guy took his own life or not. Seek your own help if you need it. Talk to someone for a debrief and try not to think about it too much. Talk, talk, talk. It helps. Trust me.
I think we're talking about the same guy! He said he thought that suicides are interesting. Then I asked him if they were interesting enough for him to commit one and I asked him why. He didn't answer to me for an hour or so, I kept on sending him messages. I left at him my email and profile name and left after I saw no sign. He hasn't contacted me yet. I have no idea what's going on with him.
It's an awful thing, but keep in mind that this is an online forum populated by young people. While you have to operate under the belief that every Venter is sincere, there is also a high probability, especially with extreme circumstances like this, that someone might be goofing around. It's sick, and honestly something that deserves counseling in it's own right, but it happens. There are some people who get a kick out of pranking people, and the more sincere a victim they find, the more they press. You did all the right things, the only thing you can do now is to pray, if that's your thing, and accept that one upside of the anonymity of the internet is that you don't have to become as invested as with people you know personally. Move to the next Venter when you are ready, and help them with the same dedication you've already shown.