traumatic past and anxiety

I can definitely relate.. You need to vent, Go to someone you truly trust and just talk about it , if you need to cry, scream, and just let all the weight off your shoulders . Trust me , I kept what happened to me a secret since I was 4 till I turned 16 and I felt so alone , so misunderstood and I suffered from nightmares where I would wake up crying. Until I decided i'd had enough of dealing with that on my own. It realllly helped so much. I know its hard to even think about talking to someone about it, Specially if they've never encountered a situation like yours. My most honest piece of advice , Vent with someone who you can truly express yourself to .

Hello lovely, I'm sorry about what happened to you, but the good news is that it is possible to move on, which sounds like something you really want to do. First of all, these flashbacks, nighmares and general anxiety all are symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (or PTSD), it's quite common among people in similar positions to you. I had it, I'm sure many other's on this website have to, so you're not alone it that, and it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. I strongly suggest that you see a doctor, they can officially diagnose you can get proper treatment (like medication and regular therapy). Also, I'm going to agree with other people and suggest that you tell a family member or a close friend that you trust (especially if you want your uncle to pay for what he did.... I know this may not be the case, but sometimes it is... it's just a suggestion). Things that I found helpful for dealing with PTSD symptoms mainly revolve around distracting yourself, learn an instrument, read a book, go for a run... just anything to get your mind off it (as long as it's safe). I found when flashbacks are happening, stomping your feet sometimes helps also yelling STOP can sometimes be something. Also, it's okay to just sit down and just be; cry, write about it in a diary, paint to express yourself, scream, punch a pillow. Just be emotional, just make sure that it doesn't take over. I have a lot of other things I can share if you're interested, don't hesitate to contact me ok? You're not alone, and you can and will survive this. I have total faith that you will. Take care xx

You can talk to anyone here and we'll help you with it. But you need to tell someone, a close family member or a close friend. it's going to take time before youll feel even the slightest bit able to do that. But this isn't a healthy thing to keep pent up in yourself...

I completely relate to what you are going through. It's so scary and horrible and it makes it completely hard to live. What I recommend when you wake up from a nightmare, is turn on the light right away. Center yourself; think of 3 things you see, hear, etc. I know it sounds stupid but I find it really helps a lot. Listen to some calming music or read a book for a little while. If you are incredibly anxious when you wake up, fill your sink with really cold water and dunk your head in. As to dealing with the trauma, talk to anyone in your life who you trust. Talk to someone on here. Write about it even if it's just for you. I promise you that it will get better and the nightmares will go away. It just takes time. I know it's hell living like this, but I promise you it won't always be. Sending you lots of love.

Those are signs of PTSD. There's this type of therapy called EMDR that's specifically designed to treat it. I know you said you can't go to a therapist, but if you ever can you should try EMDR.