So I know this doesn’t actually have anything to do with sexuality, but instead with my gender orientation, but I couldn’t find a better category for it. I am a nonbinary trans person and identify as gender-fluid. I was designated female at birth and given the name Emily.
Being gender-fluid makes my body dysphoria difficult, having to deal with a slow onset of dysphoria. The gender identities I switch between are agender, androgynous, female, and male. My gender dysphoria ranges between a need for a more defined muscle mass, a less traditionally feminine bone structure, a slightly deeper voice, etc. and often disappears on the occasions when I present as female.
While obviously the body dysphoria isn’t easily solved, my primary concern is my name. I’ve had this name for seventeen years. I’m used to it. Everyone uses this name for me. It’s on all my documents and is what I typically use for all my files of all sorts, from college mail lists to my birth certificate. But I don’t always feel comfortable with it, as it is a traditionally feminine name, and I am usually agender or androgynous.
Obviously switching to a male name wouldn’t be a much better solution, since I’m male as often as I am female, and I’ve thought of gender-neutral names instead. It feels more comfortable and natural, but at the same time frightening. I live in a conservative town with people who’ve known me since I was born, and most people don’t know I’m gender-fluid. I do’t know how the transition will go. My mother is open to the name change, and my father seems hesitant but ultimately wants me to be comfortable. My sister and the rest of my family don’t know. Other members of my family have changed their names or gone by different ones for a variety of reasons.
I know it could be done and ultimately I would feel more comfortable, but for some reason I still feel scared. I do still like my name, after all, even if I’m not always comfortable with it. I’m not sure what to do. The two choices I’ve narrowed it down to are Alex and Danika (Danni or Danny for short). Any advice would be much appreciated.
