Too afraid to tell him no?

First off, I have Allodoxaphobia, which is the fear of confrontation or arguments.
The problem is, I’ve had a guy ask me out recently, and we’ve been close friends for a while now, but I’m absolutely terrified to tell him I don’t want to date him. He has asked me out a while back but when he did, I became so afraid to tell him ‘no’ to the point that I completely pulled away and we didn’t talk for a good 5 months. I don’t want that to happen again, but I don’t know what to do. He keeps sending me messages about how he’d treat me right and such, which I feel makes it harder to tell him.
Every time I talk to a friend about it, they say just tell him straight up. But I can’t. When I think about telling him, I get really scared to the point where I want to cry and go hide. Is there a way to fix this? I really want to stay friends with him so much, but I’m so scared that we’ll have an argument.

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MalFate

3 Answers

2 accepted

I dont have an as severe case as you do but you need to find something small that helps you relax and calm down to tell him. first off it might help if you wrote everything down. just write. dont address it to him. just spill out everything you feel for this guy. now the fun part is condensing that down to what you want him to know. take a few breaks after you let it all down and dont let your anxiety over rule you. when you think you are ready find a way to give him what you wrote. it can be the original or a new revised 'letter'. I like to do this and seal it in an envelope and label it and leave it somewhere you know he will find or have someone give it to him for you. this will help take care of your 'situation' with minimal confrontation. but afterwards you should try to push yourself out of your comfort zone. best of luck to you!

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lovemedearly

There is a way of telling him how you feel without having confrontation and not hurting anyone in the process. I understand how you are feeling and it is totally okay to feel this way. First thing is that you should take time out and think about what kind of friend he has been to you. Has he been around for awhile and cared when no one else has.. if so then he is a friend that you would want to keep because they don't come around as often as they use to. If not and he has been trying to push up on you for all the time you've known him then friendship should not be an option because he cant respect you. The best way to turn him away without being the bad guy would be to let him know that you enjoy the friendship you guys have and would not want to lose that because relationships are not promised to last but friends will always be there for one another. Hope this helped!

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SharingTheLove

I am not familiar with that disease, but if he is a close friend, then maybe you should try telling him that you have it and explain to him how uncomfortable it's making you. Maybe even try telling that some other guy has asked you out and you feel so uncomfortable saying no that you don't know what to do. Do you think that will get the hint to him? I honestly think that you should try to be straight forward with him about your disease and if he cares about you, he'll understand.

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mandolin