Well, you came to the right place. If it's serious (as it does sound like it is from what you said about needing help and going deeper) then I suggest you tell someone you trust-whether a parent, teacher, close friend-and ask them for some assistance. The next step after telling someone, is to seek some help on maybe a professional level. Because of the nature of your question and how we don't have much to go on,that's the best advice I can give....but there are those like you out there. We will try to help as much as we can. You can get through this-this is just a chapter in your story and its no where finished yet.