I’d really like to know if anyone else feels this way or if It’s just silly, because to me it sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud. I’m the youngest in my entire family and I’ve always been treated like it. Like with all small children – I was sympathetically laughed at whenever I expressed an opinion, which must have really affected me because now I’m really defensive and touchy whenever there’s any reference to my younger self. It also really kills my self esteem whenever this happens. Specifically, it’s when people said how “cute” I was (bearing in mind that I’m the only one who’s ever mentioned in this way) and I know that that’s what everyone says about young children, but as the youngest, it carried on with me longer than with my cousin or my sister (who’s two years older than me). My sister was never laughed at and always treated like an adult, and with that she was understood better than I was, e.g. I’m now 16 and my family still thinks that I’m exactly how I was when I was 9, and they belittle everything I do or say. My sister however, is praised for every little thing she does and all of her opinions and important things like career choices are supported (even before she was 18).
I feel like I can’t be taken seriously, and it’s like I think that everyone I meet will label me as “the dumb 9 year old” as well, like it feels my family has. Because of this, I’m so overly self-conscious that I’ve missed out on opportunities and I’ve hidden what I’ve always wanted to do because I’m scared of being laughed at. I always loved role-playing as a kid and I loved doing plays, but as I got older I got more aware that I was being belittled (as the youngest) and became shyer. I still love the idea of acting and after not doing it for years, when I had to do a drama piece in front of only my teacher for my english exam, I not only got a high grade for it but I enjoyed it so much. Only the problem is that I could never do it as a career because I’ve never studied it, and at 16 years old It’s probably too late, and I can’t think of anything else that I would rather spend my life doing.
Another thing which really hurt was when my sister was recently told by our family that she would be a “natural” at acting. She’s never done acting before, and considering that my cousin (one year older than me) was laughed at by her own parents when she told them she wanted to try acting herself years ago, I now feel so frustrated and hopeless.
Does anyone else have a similar issue which makes them hate themselves or is this me being crazy?
