There is a man controlling my body and thoughts?

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I am a 19 years old male… I need help. I don’t know what to do.
Since a few years… I don’t remember how long, there is a guy inside my body, like a godlike being… He is not human, but something… Powerful, not incredibly, but still enough to take control of me.
He is there since so long and sometimes he shows, sometimes I have problems noticing this, immediately… But sometimes I realize he is there and controls my… He controls my hands as I write, it seems like he fills me up completely with himself? I even feel his emotions, his thoughts and desires… Which are so troubling. I had impulses to harm my girlfriend… I had the impulses to strangle her, to gauge her eyes out. I started to strangle her slightly a few times… She knows about him. He always makes me do things, he makes me send people threats and he makes my head just filled with thoughts i shouldn’t have…
After he is gone and I feel like myself again, I always feel like I was in some kind of a sick dream just a second before… I always feel so vurnerable, like violently pulled out of another reality. And he is just gone leaving me with all the crap he had done…
Yet… Somehow, when he is filling my body, I feel so… Godlike, I think I feel everything he does… Sometimes it feels so good. But when he is gone I am so scared. I think he is connected with… Others. There are other people, but they aren’t taking control of my body… I don’t know… Sometimes I’m so scared of my hands, I’m so scared they move by themselves and they gauge my eyes out and strangle me and I won’t be able to do anything… I’m so scared they finally do this, I don’t know how can I communicate with them…
I am so scared to turn around, I’m so scared those people are Here, I feel their presence, they are everywhere i am, following me, behind my back… Please believe me i am telling the truth… I’m afraid no one believes me…
I asked about it once, on a different site and… I got answers from religious people. I don’t believe in Good nor evil, therefore god or satan or possessions… Please don’t say anything if you are a religious person, it makes me panic… I don’t know which category to choose, I took mental disorders, but… I really don’t feel ill. I just feel so derealized and empty…

Category: asked September 9, 2015

9 Answers

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I am no doctor. Any further diagnosis is limited to my knowledge of the subject. It sounds to me as some sort of Dissociative Disorder. The way you describe the presence of not only "The Man", but also "Others". The primary identity tends to be passive, guilty, depressed; You. As with the other personalities, "alters", being more active, aggressive; "The Man". There are different types of DD: Depersonalization, Derealization, Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS), Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)...
Do you have full awareness of what is happening when "The Man" takes over? Or is it perhaps a blank? Do you have any sort of problem recalling information? Not all DDs imply memory loss, but it could point to, or rule out DID. Although it is controversial; some sources say that DID is always followed by memory issues, some do not. It is also possible to be amnesiac to the amnesia, hence not realizing the time loss in which the other personality took over. Without further information about your past and childhood experiences, extended research and whatnot, it is impossible to pinpoint the actual disorder.
I highly recommend seeking professional help, not only for your own sake, but also those you love. The last thing we need are casualties. Also, excuse my "what seems to be" bluntness, as it may not sound comforting at all; there is no real need to fear strangling yourself. If one of the "alters" were to kill you, they'd die as well. I doubt it would please them, nor it is their goal. The real danger is you committing suicide out of desperation, to "stop them". Or due to your mind tricking you into thinking you are being attacked by the "alter", when you are doing it yourself. Once again, I am no doctor, and seeking professional help is highly recommended.
Best of luck, S.E.
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I agree with the above comment. that's that. Seek help from the pro.
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In my opinion, it sounds a lot like paranoid schizophrenia. An old friend of mine dealt with something very similar to this, and was schizophrenic. Is it possible for you to go back to seeing a psychiatrist? I think it'd be for the best, and that way, you could work out a plan for treatment.
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Schizophrenia and DID are easily confused for each other. You really are going to need professional help to determine which it is. Everyone here is a great resource for ideas but don't take us on our word since we aren't doctors. That being said I kinda know what you're going through. I've been diagnosed with DID (I was wrongly diagnosed a few times before things got straightened out) and back when I didnt know what was going on it was terrifying. DID isn't always amnesia related. Sometimes I don't know what an alter has done and sometimes I do. Sort of like different types of switching. It's a lot to explain but if you want to message me about DID you are more than welcome and I will tell you whatever you want to know. Anyway, trust me, the time before getting help and a diagnosis is the worst. Once you know exactly what is going on and you have support it gets easier. You learn how to cope. If it's DID you learn who the alters are, how to talk with them, how to work together (If you go for the co-existing sort of therapy. You could also go for integration but I personally don't like the idea of that). If it's schizophrenia then you'll learn coping skills for that and get meds that may help. Either way I wish you luck and if you want to know more about DID like I said or just want someone to talk to that has had similar experiences you can always message me.
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I would definitely not discard the possibility of it being Schizophrenia. As it has been stated, they can easily be mistaken by one another. It takes deeper research to find the correct diagnosis. Schizophrenia is not split/multiple personality, contrary to public belief. The signs are different for each person. Many patients describe their thoughts as being controlled by someone else. Those thoughts are not their own; as if planted by another. It comes down to how well "developed" "The Man" is. Schizo and DID are very interesting, in the sense that the basic perception is so similar, yet highly different. There is a huge leap between sudden bursts of irrational anger, thoughts that are not your own... to a completely formed entity, who has a personality. Once again, we are no doctors. Your fear is understandable, but without proper treatment, there is nothing to be done. I am 100% for trying methods that do not involve a direct impact, though there are cases and cases. In yours, those meds might be needed. Attempt to find a better doctor, if you do not trust your current. Seek our help whenever, but do look for a professional.
Best regards, S.E.
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I am fully conscious then, I feel the same he does... I would say I kinda become him when it happens... I don't really have any amnesia, but I kinda feel like I wake up afterwards and I remember everything behind a "fog". Like after a psychotic attack somehow, I feel that "switching" sometimes. I actually excluded DID because I read it involves amnesia and... well, we surely write and speak in a different manner and he has so many desires while I am so incredibly empty. When I "switch" it... feels so good. Until he's gone, then it's hell. The others are not linked with him, I think, though... I can't know anything about them, I just feel like... Like I had a knife targeted at my back and when I make one wrong move they stab me. I'm always so paralyzed and scared of moving and even looking around, not talking about behind, I feel them, I feel their presence...I was going to a psychiatrist and he strongly suspected me of being schizophrenic, do you think it looks like?...
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A... lot of people say this by now... This is true I have plenty of symptoms, I had bad thought blockings and I feel so extremely empty since six years, I basically don't have any emotions by now. I forgot what they are already... I used to go to a psychiatrist and I think he suspected it, but... I have a feeling he doesn't believe me, I can't trust him but I have a feeling it will get much worse in winter...
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Thank you... I don't really know what to reply... I didn't know it's not amnesia related sometimes, though... I thought it would sound pathetic if I ever said I might have a multiple personality disorder... Because I would think nobody would take me seriously then since I'm not diagnosed but... how am I going to tell otherwise? That it wasn't me writing but a man who controls my body, thoughts and actions... He often writes here, I think you can clearly see the difference between this and older posts posted from my account... I am so scared of therapy, it's very difficult to get a good psychiatrist or a psychologist where I live, a second world country in central Europe. But I've been told to get help so many times...... I'm scared, I have a horrible fear and some kind of a trauma after mental hospital, recently I smelled a very similar scent like in a mental hospital and I almost lost it... I'm also so scared of white clothes...I had meds for schizophrenia already, but I thought I don't need them...
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I don't really know how much he is developed... I don't know much about him, it's just... "a guy taking control of my body and thoughts"... i know he would be a male, but we live together a long time and i don't know anything about him... I don't really think he has a personality, he is not really human, hes some kind of a being... a powerful one. what about the irrational anger? i surely do have anger problems... its a bit calmer lately but i am always very aggressive in the mornings and i had many problems with this as i started to attack my father and he fights back being much stronger and... he treats me like the worst trash, since two years or something, now it got better... im basically always so empty and then i burst out with anger for a short amount of time.i think i will look for a doctor... maybe i will find one who i can trust eventually... i was at so many doctors......