Suicidal thoughts

1

I’m suicidal. The only thing that’s stopping me is that I don’t have the guts to end my life, even though I’ve planned it out many times step by step. I’ve tried in so, so many ways to call out for help, even though it’s not always verbal, and no one seems to get it. When people ask me if I’m okay my first thought is to tell them how I really feel, but I feel like I can’t burden them with this, so I end up just smiling and telling them I’m perfectly fine.

I think I’m bipolar. I show all the symptoms for it. I definitely have anxiety, I don’t know whether or not I have a disorder for it, but I definitely have anxiety. I’m an insomniac, but I always just want to sleep, that’s my only peace.

The weight of school is crushing me, but it’s also an escape route from home where I have nothing but my thoughts. I’m depressed and I just don’t know what to do any more.

Whenever I’ve tried to tell people that I need help or I’m depressed and anxious and just need some support, they (adults mostly) just shrug it off and tell me that I’m 15; I can’t be depressed; what do I know; we all have days like these.

I don’t want to call anyone about this, I don’t have the guts too, and I also really want to tell someone all these feelings but I don’t know where to start.

What do I do? Where do I go? Who can I talk to? Please help me, I feel like I’m at the end of my rope.

Category: Tags: asked November 23, 2014

5 Answers

0
Please please PLEASE see a therapist about this. They see lots of people who want to end their lives, and they know how to help. They won't shrug it off. I get if you're afraid to, that's not abnormal, but plucking up the courage to see a therapist will help majorly in the long run. Just remember that I'm rooting for you and I hope you make it through this dark time in one piece!! ^_^
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i can't say we've been through thesame phase, because we're all different but even if you're 15,20, 100, 10000123 years old, theres no age identifications of when depression affects a person.we all have those moments when we are are unsure of the things thats happening. i for one still has suicidal ideations when stressed out,still have my anxiety and will leave me 40 hours wide awake.(well i counted the hours.lol) but i normally sleeps for 10-15hours.. well i know, sleep is still the best escape for me as well maybe for you too, but im not saying we should continuously do this. As for what i did, i find a reason to wake up, to be motivated same as you who go to school to be distracted. Theres always gonna be that moments, but we should also never fail to give ourselves a treat for every little accomplishments we've done for ourselves or for others. find a reason to be motivated. have a goal in life even if impossible,take baby steps you will get there eventually. it will always keep you going and moving forward.
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It was almost scary reading what you wrote because I have been dealing with the same thing for a while now. I was dealing with really bad anxiety (my therapist said she strongly believes its bipolar disorder), all I wanted to do was sleep all the time (to the point that I was abusing sleep medicine), I stared off into space all the time, felt like I was alone in a room full of people, and I hated being at home because I had no distraction; all I did was wallow in my issues.I was feeling suicidal too (I even wrote a suicide note) and at that point, I went to my guidance counselor and told her what was going on. My parents were not very willing to help and it is still a struggle with them now, but we are trying to deal with it one step at a time along with my school staff and therapist. The key is to SAY SOMETHING though. I am the kind of kid that no one notices, that everybody just assumes has everything handled, and I easily get swept under the rug. Had I not said anything, no one would have known. And I am telling you this because I am empathetic to your situation: No one can read your mind or your actions. You need to verbally tell someone how you are feeling. It will not be easy but I can tell you from experience, the immediate relief you will feel afterwards, no matter how small, will feel like one small burden has been lifted.I would be lying to you if I said I was all better because I'm not. I'm still extremely emotionally dependent on my guidance counselor and SRO, I cry all the time, deal with anxiety and depression still in spite of the fact that I am taking supplements to help, I have no friends, and every once in a while, suicide is still an option. However, I can at least rest assured that I don't HAVE to deal with this on my own because I have people who know whats going on and who want to help me. That in its self is slowly helping me get better, even if I'm not where I should or want to be at right now. All you have to do is ask.
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Don't do anything to hurt yourself. Even if you can't see it, there are people out there who care about you, no matter what you think. You are not alone, there are people out there who will help and support you. If you EVER need anyone to talk to, I'll be there.
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If you lack the courage to off yourself, it's a good thing. Maybe it's your subconscious mind telling you "HEY DUMBASS, NOT NOW". I mean, you have the majority of your life left, and an afterlife isn't guaranteed. What if this life is all there is, and you do it just to find nothing? What then?