I never really thought of myself as suicidal, I mean, I’m scared to die. I’m scared that after death there’s nothing more.
But, I sometimes I can’t stop but think about what it’d be like to commit suicide. I have days when I hate myself and everything around me, I’ve thought about killing myself so many times despite the fact I’m scared to die.
When I walk across a bride, I imagine myself jumping off it. When I walk across the road, I sometimes imagine what it’d be like to just stop walking, and just getting hit. Sometimes, when I take a bath I go under and see how long I can last. The feeling of not being able to breathe feels rather… Comfortable. I guess.
Am I suicidal? I’ve never talked about this, or wrote anywhere about it. It’s been bottled inside my head, until now.