This is related to a question I asked before, basically I started the viola this september at school, I borrow the instrument as much as possible and I also play the piano at a very advanced level, I’ve been playing it since I was four. Anyway, so I recently had a test at school for the viola and here are my marks:
I was really unhappy with the 81/100 and my teacher allows re-tests so I was planning to do one today. Since my mid-term report cards are next week, he told me that it was too late to do a re-test. I did this test on Friday btw. I was fine with that because my average is the course was still in the 90s. Now I’m planning to redo it next week. So I told my mom about it, since I figured that I should start being more open with my mom if I want to start to build a good relationship after being in war for my whole life. I told her everything, my plans to improve etc. This happened about five minutes ago and here is exactly what she said: “This is why you have to practice more, everytime you bring it home you never practice that’s why you absolutely suck at it, you deserve failing the course. Just like piano, you have no musical talent, just like failing that piano exam of yours. You’re just another stupid, dumb failure at music. “
I was going to respond and tell her that she was always discouraging me, I;ve tried it before and she yelled at me even more so I decided to stay quiet. I went up to my room and turned all the lights off and silently cried to myself for five minutes and now I want to quit piano even at such a high level I’m at, and I just want to fail this course at school. I mean, if I try, I get scolded, if I don’t try, I get scolded, no difference. I don’t have any motivation to continue anything that has to do with music.
She also asks me every single day “Do you have any homework today?”, she doesn’t ask because she’s caring and all, she asks to compare with my brother. She always says “Oh look at your brother always working and being such a good child, look at you, just fooling around and chatting and watching videos on your computer, stop trying to fake it, we all know you’re pretending.” My brother is two years younger, he doesn’t have as much homework as I do, I’ve told her before, I’m in high school, there isn’t one day without homework. She just responds “Then why do you never do work?”, I finish my homework everyday and my teacher’s think I’m a responsibly student, I never hand t anything late or leave it for late minute and I never pretend to work, I used to do that 3-4 years ago but I’ve stopped LONG ago. My brother is the one that plays computer games, when he hears my parents coming, he switched to his homework. Most of the time, you see him working all night, which is why they think he’s such a hard worker, while actually he forgot or left his homework for the last minute. The other day, my dad told me “You brother wok up early to study for spelling today, while you never want to do anything.”, once again, that;s because he FORGOT to study and is studying about two hours before this spelling test. My parents don’t know how late I stayed up and woke up to study my spelling tests last year, and that was way harder that his spelling tests.
–End of Rant–
I feel like crying still :’(