Stop making me cry :’(

This is related to a question I asked before, basically I started the viola this september at school, I borrow the instrument as much as possible and I also play the piano at a very advanced level, I’ve been playing it since I was four. Anyway, so I recently had a test at school for the viola and here are my marks:

K/U: 100/100
T/I: 90/100
C: 91/100
A: 81/100

I was really unhappy with the 81/100 and my teacher allows re-tests so I was planning to do one today. Since my mid-term report cards are next week, he told me that it was too late to do a re-test. I did this test on Friday btw. I was fine with that because my average is the course was still in the 90s. Now I’m planning to redo it next week. So I told my mom about it, since I figured that I should start being more open with my mom if I want to start to build a good relationship after being in war for my whole life. I told her everything, my plans to improve etc. This happened about five minutes ago and here is exactly what she said: “This is why you have to practice more, everytime you bring it home you never practice that’s why you absolutely suck at it, you deserve failing the course. Just like piano, you have no musical talent, just like failing that piano exam of yours. You’re just another stupid, dumb failure at music. “

I was going to respond and tell her that she was always discouraging me, I;ve tried it before and she yelled at me even more so I decided to stay quiet. I went up to my room and turned all the lights off and silently cried to myself for five minutes and now I want to quit piano even at such a high level I’m at, and I just want to fail this course at school. I mean, if I try, I get scolded, if I don’t try, I get scolded, no difference. I don’t have any motivation to continue anything that has to do with music.

She also asks me every single day “Do you have any homework today?”, she doesn’t ask because she’s caring and all, she asks to compare with my brother. She always says “Oh look at your brother always working and being such a good child, look at you, just fooling around and chatting and watching videos on your computer, stop trying to fake it, we all know you’re pretending.” My brother is two years younger, he doesn’t have as much homework as I do, I’ve told her before, I’m in high school, there isn’t one day without homework. She just responds “Then why do you never do work?”, I finish my homework everyday and my teacher’s think I’m a responsibly student, I never hand t anything late or leave it for late minute and I never pretend to work, I used to do that 3-4 years ago but I’ve stopped LONG ago. My brother is the one that plays computer games, when he hears my parents coming, he switched to his homework. Most of the time, you see him working all night, which is why they think he’s such a hard worker, while actually he forgot or left his homework for the last minute. The other day, my dad told me “You brother wok up early to study for spelling today, while you never want to do anything.”, once again, that;s because he FORGOT to study and is studying about two hours before this spelling test. My parents don’t know how late I stayed up and woke up to study my spelling tests last year, and that was way harder that his spelling tests.

–End of Rant–
I feel like crying still :’(

Category: Education asked November 10, 2014

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lilmystery

4 Answers

Sorry to hear that your parents are making you upset.The viola is a wonderful instrument; I play it as well. So, don't give up playing your viola, or your piano, no matter what your mom says.Also, ignore your mom. If she doesn't have anything nice to say to you, then she is not worth your time. Speak to her only when you have to. I know this isn't probably what most people would suggest, but I feel like if she is really pushing you down and making you feel terrible, then you shouldn't speak to her.Remember: Once you graduate high school/college, you can move out, away from your mom. Keep thinking positive thoughts. Hope this helps~

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Emma

Hey Lilmystery. First of about those grades, I think even that 81/100 is pretty good. I know many would be content with these. About your mom, well.. Every parent has his or her favorite kid, although they may not say it out loud. And I can understand that will create a lot of frustration to you. If i was in your position, I'd try to proof my mother wrong, by doing what I'd love most: playing the piano. When you make a success out of this, you will remember your mother of being of very much support, because she motivated you to proof her wrong.I think you should believe your teacher in knowing you are a responsible student, I think teachers have more experience in spotting the difference in school effort, compared to mothers.And try not to envy your brother, it doesn't seem like he's working that much on his future, try to inspire him by giving him a good example.I wish you good luck in dealing with this. Have faith in yourself!

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Rick from the Netherlands

I get your lack of motivation but you're looking for rewards where there (unjustly) are none, and overlooking where there are. You sound like you are doing really well and nothing your mother can say can take away from your own personal achievements because they will be yours for life. Be happy in what you have done yourself and how good you have become, sure it would be nice to have her support but you're succeeding without it and it sounds like your teachers are very happy with you, your friends probably think you're great at it too. As far as your brother is concerned, don't fight him as I'm sure he's fighting his own battles, he probably even wishes he could plan as well as you, but just simply if your parents say "but he was up doing X, why weren't you?", simply say because you did it already. Don't drop things you like for people who are unsupportive or you'll just prove them right to keep putting you down more. One day your mum will see you did well :)

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Dave

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Your story has touched me! My mother is the exact same way. One time, our lawnmower was acting up, and i tried to tell her about it, and she simply swore at me and forced me to continue using it. The engine kinda burst shortly after. I probably should have been severely injured. But my mom does the same thing about my grades saying that I "don't try hard enough" or "deserve the failing grade". And I have a sister two years younger than me, and my mom compares our grades saying "your sister has straight As and look what you have". I am in all advanced classes, and my sister is in all standard classes, plus she's two years behind me. Something tells me my work is harder than hers is. I've just kinda stopped talking to my mom whenever possible. I ignore her a lot, never talk to her for fun. I like to stay locked away in my room all day. In fact, I don't talk to many people at all, due to the horrible depression she has given me by telling me that I'm "a lazy son of a bitch" and saying "your father would be disappointed if he were still alive." Anyhow, mothers can be cruel. I don't know what to say to help you other than this: avoid her whenever possible, and move out as soon as you can.

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Winston Piehl