Social Anxiety and dating.

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I have terrible social anxiety. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple years and a week ago we went to a bar. I was happy to get out and had a great time getting ready and was really looking forward to the night but an hour into being there my mood changed. I wasn’t unhappy, but I kind of just kept to my self and “looked” unhappy. I don’t know why, I didn’t want to go home but at the same time I didn’t want to be there either. My bf got upset, we had a last drink and headed home. At home he told me that he was upset because it looked like I was ashamed to be with him and it looked like I wasn’t into him. He also mentioned that my mood looked so bad that none of his bartender friends wanted to talk to him because it just looked like I was mad. That made me feel terrible. I did notice that some of the bartenders that showed up were cute girls and I think that’s what made my mood change. I don’t know what it is. Sometimes when we go places and theres a cute girl I get this idea in my head that he wants to be with them and not me, even though he’s never done anything to make me feel that way. I don’t know why this happens to me, and I don’t know how to explain to I’m that this is me and not him. What should I do?

Category: asked October 5, 2015

2 Answers

3
accepted
He got upset not just because of your mood, it was because you weren't honest with him. You should have told him "I'm not feeling very well, can we go?". Boyfriends can't guess what's going through their minds, and he tried to take you to a place to have fun and seeing you "upset" (or at least it's how he saw it) made him frustrated. You have to think that people have their own perspectives, so unless you tell him how you feel everytime, he can see the situation in a bad way. The key of a good relationship is always honesty,respect and SPECIALLY communication.
-1
He sounds pretty insecure (worried about you making him "look bad", cares that no one wants to talk to him etc, but it's really that he has sucky social skills that he has to rely on appearance). That is his possible psychology, and he isn't comfortable enough to be with you.Do anything you want. If you wanna save the relationship, explain to him. Small misunderstanding can escalate into the biggest shit. But if he wants someone to make him look good in front of others, he either find someone else or work on his crappy self esteem. If you feel that the relationship is not worth saving, by all means dump the dude. Also, not all guys will willingly date a girl jut cos she's cute. Oh and if he's so turned on my solely physical appearances, he's really not worth your time