Ugh, sorry you guys, I ask a lot of questions, I know. You’re probably tired of me talking about my race, but these things are a part of me, and I’m truly curious.
I can’t be alone in a crowd without someone I know. I’ll start to hyperventilate and sometimes I even cry, which makes it worse because there’s no one there to comfort me. This weekend, I’m going to a youth retreat with my church. I know people in my church, but I don’t know them very well. There will will be people from all over Ohio going to this retreat, because the Episcopal faith is prominent here. My best friend is a part of my church, but her senior dance is the same night of the retreat and she might not be able to go, and I’m afraid to be alone for three days with people that I don’t know. I know that they won’t hurt me, because I’ve met them once years ago, but I’m still very scared.
Another thing, I’m always the only black person at these things. It doesn’t bother me, but it’s sort of awkward when they talk about things that only applies to white people, or they try painfully hard to include me in on conversations.
How do I get over my fear of crowds and how do I make being the only black person less awkward?