I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 12 years old, I’m 26 now. At the start of this year I had a colossal fall, and I retreated from life. It was really hard for months on end. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone or even leave the house.
Recently I felt like I could start to pick myself back up, start to go back out in the world and talk to people. But the few friends I had have abandoned me – ‘punishment’ for not being around. They know I’m not well but that’s apparently not a good enough explanation.
I don’t have any family, these three people were all I had – one lives in my state, the other two were friends online who live on the other side of the world.
I’ve been trying every day for weeks to talk to someone, anyone at all, and have received radio silence from everyone. It’s deliberate – these are people who were online 24/7 for over a year of friendship and who are now never on at all – not for a single hour of a single day. I’ve tried talking to people on tumblr and been ignored also. I’m not trying to dump my problems on people, I just wanted to talk, like normal people do. about anything, nothing, whatever they wanted. just to feel normal.
this constant rejection the last few weeks has affected me so much I’m at my lowest possible point, lower than before when I retreated. I feel sick and panicked all the time. I’m cutting myself, I’m tearing my hair out. I feel miserable, I’ve lost all will to live.
I have a spot picked out on a busy highway near home. I just wish someone would talk to me, I’m so, so lonely.