Should I never speak to them again?


I’ll try to make this as short as possible. I come from a family that, for the most part, has been abusive (physically, verbally, and emotionally. Its caused pretty much all the problems/disorders I have). Ever since I was 15 I’ve been taking care of my mother because she is disabled and has trouble walking and doing things on her own. I’ve done almost everything while she sat around. She’s always complains and whines and yells when she doesnt get her way or when I do something my way instead of hers. She has called me rude, selfish, and ungrateful for most of my life. A few days ago my boyfriend stuck up for me and told her she needs to stop treating me like a child and stop being so hateful. She got incredibly mad and told me I have to move out. I’m ok with this and will be leaving within a week at most. She even got my siblings (who have never come by to check on her or help her since I was 15) involved and made up parts of the story to make it sound like I was a terrible child and now they are yelling at me. My only concern is when I leave should I completely cut all contact with them? My boyfriend says I should and I kind of want to as well but Im not sure. I mean, I much prefer his family. They treat me far better than my own ever has.

Tags: asked December 5, 2014

2 Answers

I'm so sorry and I totally get it. I cared for my mum for 11 years when she was ill, it was incredibly difficult emotionally and physically, 7 other siblings seldom even checked in. It was all on me and my husband until she passed. I had 3 children while I was also trying to care for her. There were soo many times that I thought about walking away but I just couldn't. She needed me and I knew no one would step up. The guilt would have killed me. It was like damned if I don't damned if I do. My advice to you is to be selfish, please do whats right for you. Caring for my mum left me for no relationship with 6 of my siblings and my marriage in shambles. If you can walk away and still have a life, care from her, support her and help her when she needs that may be for the best. Don't be hurt by her words, its not you, its her. She has issues, anger and pain in her own life and is taking her it out on the easiest target - you. I'm sorry for that, I know how that feels.Please message me if you need any other help. I truly know how difficult it is.
From my personal experience at the elderly nursing home. I know what you're going through but don't cut up all tides with your mom. She's disable and growing old. They tend to act grumpy and say things they shouldn't. It's probably because in the past they've experience a lot of hardship in their life. She loved you at some point in your life. So you should at least put into consideration that she kept you in her womb for 9months and raised you for 15years. At least, visit her sometimes because you're all she got.