should i message the girl?

You're not being psycho. You have the right to know. But I'm going to be brutally honest with you: being in a relationship where you are constantly having doubts it is not a healthy relationship. I've been there. You feel frustrated, sad, and you think "maybe it's nothing". The thing is, if the pictures are constant and he even flirts, I think you should confront him and say "look here, you either tell me the truth or we done". You seem to love him alot, but he is only hurting you. He doesn't exactly seem to respect your feelings, even after you confronted him about the situation. So basically what I'm trying to say his, don't go after the girl. Does the girl even know he is dating? Even if she does, both are equally to blame. You should confront him,not her. Good luck :) I hope everything turns out ok

Thank you, I have confronted him about it and hes said he didn't ask for the pictures and when she asked too meet he said no. but he deleted the messages which is why I am having doubts because unless there was something to hide wouldn't delete them? so I thought maybe messaging her either telling her to leave him alone or using the nice approach she might tell me a different story so I know the truth

Exactly, I think you're having a good logic here. If that actually happened why not show the pics to you and explain everything? Personally I think he's kinda hidding something. But I don't know if talking to the girl would be a good idea. But if you feel like there's no other option, go for it. But try to be nice and not point the finger, cause like I said, they both may be to blame.

You can ask him to block her number/her social media and to, of course, stop talking to her. If he whines about it, you should really consider leaving. You can't chase away all the girls, if he's the problem, he's the one who has to act responsibly towards your relationship.

It's not really worth contacting her in my opinion because she may lie anyway and leave you even more confused. I've had this exact same scenario happen to me and it was soul destroying. I started wondering what was wrong with me and why would he enjoy another female's attention when he has me?! It took me a long time to realise he was a moron. I obviously don't know your guy as well as you do but hiding pictures and texts from you is a bad sign. As you said - why would he delete them if he has nothing to hide? There's more to this than he's saying and I think you need to drop him an ultimatum. Tell the entire truth or you walk. Good luck.

I don't think you should confront her, but I promise, you're not psycho. It's completely rational for you to be mad at your boyfriend for--and yeah, you're entirely correct in saying it--cheating on you.

That's what he's doing, plain and simple. He's betrayed your trust and done things that hurt you. Despite being in a monogamous relationship with you in which you are explicitly uncomfortable with him flirting with other girls, he continues to do so. That is a sign of major disrespect. While polyamorous relationships aren't bad, they only work if everyone involved is okay with it and trusts each other deeply. I may be assuming things here, but I'm guessing you just want it to be you two. He isn't respecting your boundaries.

Relationships are built on trust, communication, and respect. He's disrespecting you, betraying and ruining your trust, and isn't making a decent effort to communicate with you, seeing as he keeps feeding you the same lines over and over again.

The way I see it, cheating is a form of disrespect, and it's your boyfriend's problem, not yours, and not the other girl's. There's no "taking" someone from another person. She wouldn't be able to "steal" him from you unless it wasn't clear that he isn't really committed to staying with you.

He's disrespected you by continuing to do this even after you've caught him multiple times, deleting messages because he has something to hide, and is gaslighting you, which is another word for "trying to make it seem like you're just imagining things or like you're overreacting".

You're not. He's cheating on you. You get to be upset about this. Your feelings are valid. And unless you're prepared to continue this relationship, with him continuing to cheat on you, then it's for the best that you break up.