should I keep dating him when I know that he’s only after my money?

Me: 34-year old female. never had a boyfriend until now. had been a workaholic with very low self esteem because I had weight issues all my life. has a good job and credit. never really dated; was virgin until a few months ago. recently lost a lot of weight and now getting attention from men, but mostly just sexual in nature, no serious offers for relationships. my best friends all have their own lives now and in serious relationships. very lonely. probably very depressed.

Him: very good-looking 19 year-old college student. met him through an online dating app 3 weeks ago. no money, in debt from gambling losses. he also likes fancy things. he was talking to me about needing football shoes like he wanted me to pay for them. also was joking about asking me to buy him a fancy phone. he wooed me and paid me a lot of attention for three weeks. i stupidly fell in love with him, and it’s my first time to fall in love. i don’t know if this is really love. all i know is that I want him to be happy. he said he loved me too. I felt it. either it was true, or he is just very good and I’m very stupid.. today he admitted that he used to be a call boy. he slept with older women for money to pay for his gambling debts. said he wanted to do the same to me but he fell in love. wanted to break up because he needs to go back to being a call boy because he needs to settle his debt from sharks. asked if he could borrow from me instead. it’s not a big amount and will not break my bank. about 400USD.

Situation: I want to keep being with him. he makes me happy. but he’s also dishonest. he will not let me see his messages in the dating app where we met. I feel that he’s still using it to meet women. i can’t trust him. but at the same time I want to see where this goes. i want to know if he really loves me. or if I can make him love me for real.

Question: give him the money and keep seeing him? or walk away now while I have not? if I do the first and get heart broken, I’ll be BROKEN. if I walk away without giving it a chance, i’ll forever question myself.

Anyone with experience in the same, advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks.

Category: Dating & Relationships asked July 8, 2014

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Lonely

7 Answers

You love him, but he does not love you back. It's not going to be a relationship that works out, it will become stale and hurtful and eventually when he leaves you (which I have no doubts of), he will continue on with his life as if your relationship was nothing while you will be left in sadness because you were the only one contributing to it. - He's using you, don't let him.

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The Giggle Blizzard

1,554

Two words: Gambling Debts. It is "only" 400 now. Take the hint and ditch the leech before he sucks you dry. Don't even say goodbye, he'll only hurt you one of two ways: either he tugs on your heart-strings and ultimately hurts you through a bad relationship, or he becomes abusive.

You can't get away from him fast enough.

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Humanist Hope

16,417

I'm but a lowly 14 year old girl. But in my opinion, you should stop seeing him. He's probably manipulating you! You could give him a bit of grace, and for a few weeks see where things go. If he continually asks you for money, you should leave him. And anyways, hes 19! Definitely not mature enough for you. He may make you feel loved and happy, but he's probably just using you.

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Adeline

250

I didn't even need to read all of this, to be honest. Yes, absolutely stop seeing him. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, stop seeing him immediately. You deserve someone who loves you for *YOU* and all your fabulousness - not your cash. Try and be patient and just see what comes along - this is all new, so enjoy it!

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thelovelymsdoe

195

NO!

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Blue

End it immediately. This guy is using you to get the things he can't afford. As much as you think you love him, he doesn't love you. THe relationship you describe is not healthy, especially for you. You will find someone worth your time and your attention, the right guy is out there, but it's not this punk. Get rid of the little boy you're dating now and find a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You have no future with your current boy. Why waste your time with someone who's not interested and in a relationship that's not going anywhere? You can do better.

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Chatty Annie

well I'm just going to go out saying that you seem to know the right thing to do. The fact that you are asking proves that. In all honesty he is using you. Guys like him are people who live in the moment and use those around them to fill their needs. I doubt you need me to tell you all the things that are wrong with him. You might love him but he is using you. You know it, anyone who has read your question knows it and he knows it. You will find someone worth you and everything you have to offer. But he is not that person, he is using you. Are you going to let him?

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Levi-UR

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