Should I go for this opportunity?

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Here’s some background info. Everyone I’m mentioning is a junior in high school (16-17 years old). I’ve known them since middle school, some even longer. The guy I’m going to talk about dated a girl in the group for three years, they broke up recently.

So right after that guy and girl broke up, he seemed kind of shaken up about it but she was already moving on to the guy she’d been lusting after for a while. The guy started turning to other girls in the friend group for affection and flings and all that. They all knew they were rebounds and nothing serious but it was a mutual understanding that everyone was just kinda having fun. He texted me recently and we chatted for a while. I saw him the next day and when we talked, it got pretty suggestive, and when we texted later he said (presented in a joking way, but I know he’s serious) that he wants to have sex with me, or whatever I was comfortable with (that part was nice). I don’t want to actually have sex, but I’m totally considering taking him up on just a casual little second-base thing sometime. I don’t have romantic feelings for him, but I think I’d enjoy it anyway, we’re both kind of the “whatever” type who would do this sort of thing just for fun. I’m debating whether I want to do it. I don’t think I’d regret it, and I’d kind of like the practice for a future relationship, if that makes sense. I think mostly what’s stopping me is how my friends would react, but I don’t really plan on telling them, and I guess if they’re real friends then they’ll respect my decisions.

I’ll just clarify this a little that neither of us wants to date, per se, it’d just be a casual hookup kinda thing. And you’re right, DuctTape, I really have nothing to lose and I get what’s going on so I might as well just go for it!

Category: Tags: asked October 7, 2014

3 Answers

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I'm not an expert. That will be my personal introduction and disclaimer for every question to follow. But here's my opinion:You've got it all figured out. Every question you have opened up has been concisely answered in a satisfying way. In short, yes. As simple as it can be.I'm going to reiterate it though so everything is in order: The guy has had a breakup and is looking for intimacy and comfort which is totally relatable. He's not being pushy (as in begging you for sex) and you want to date him because he's your type. Which is perfectly fine. You are aware that this might just be a short thing and that he might or might not only want sex for reassurance but you're not delusional about this being the one true love. You just want to go out with a guy. He wants to go out with a girl. If anything else happens, kissing, staying overnight, sexual intimacy, it's all open and nobody's business. Falling in love is at your own risk.As for your friends, yes, real friends will respect your decisions even more than any rational stranger should. I just sense a bit of ambiguity in your use of "not really planning on telling them". If it means you will just share what you want to share, good. This is between you and him and even when people learn about it, it will still be between you and him. Just don't make it an active secret. If you want to share it, share it. And if someone asks directly, tell the truth unless you really don't want to. I have been with a girl in my group and wasn't keen on letting people know. She assumed that I wanted to keep this a secret and felt a lot of pressure when asked about it. Don't do that. Friends usually find out anyway and when they ask, tell them what's up and use it as an opportunity to present your position. Tell them that you want / don't want advice, want to keep things private, are not sure about this, whatever you feel like. It's what friends are for.You're mature enough and I think it's interesting you didn't make that decision for yourself already considering how you've basically answered your own question. I hope I'm not overlooking a deeper problem that lurks between the lines but with what I read here just now, green light.Have a wonderful time. Also sorry for the missing formatting which this site doesn't quite seem to respect.
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This seems like a really personal issue. I guess you'd have to ask yourself if having sex with him for experience outweighs actually having sex with him. If the answer is yes, check for any future regrets and only do what /you/ are comfortable with. If you're worried about your friends reactions, it might be better just not to tell them. You shouldn't care about what your friends think, but if you feel more comfortable keeping this issue to yourself then that's okay. Another thing to consider is: do you trust this guy? Is he the kind who will stop if you don't want to go on? Do you trust him not to tell everyone afterwards? Are you okay with having sex with him knowing that it might just be for his comfort? Just as long as you are comfortable with every aspect of what you are doing, then it's okay. The main point is for you to feel happy, healthy, safe, and comfortable with what you're doing.
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He's using you and you're using him I guess (in this scenario). I don't think you need to "practice" on another person before your future mate. I would not have appreciated that reasoning from the person I ended up with anyway...I don't recommend it personally but you're obviously set on doing it. Yes, friends will respect your right to make your own decisions - that doesn't automatically mean they will agree that the decisions you make are good and won't advise you otherwise.