Should I end the relationship?

I’m in a pretty confusing situation. Here’s a little background to add some context.
So I’ve been with my girlfriend for 6 months, she was in my friendship group before we got together, she began to like me and after a month or two I decided to give it a go, and I completely totally fell in love with her. We were great, however since we were at the end of a university semester it was time to go away for summer for 3 and a half months. We dealt with it really well and managed to see each other fairly frequently.
Now I’m aware that the honeymoon period has ended, and all the ebbs and flows that go with a relationship.
So anyway we got back to uni last week, and it felt kind of strange.
i’ll cut to the chase, so we went out separately on the Saturday, and we were hopefully gonna meet up in the club, I get there (and I felt she was being a bit distant, but that was just me being paranoid after us being apart for so long) I see her dance with some guys and I yeah I got a bit jealous, turns out she knew them and I felt a bit of a mug, we had an emotional drunk fall out but made up.
However the issue lies in whats happening now,I felt something had changed and confronted it when we were going to the student union on Monday, and she said she’d felt pressured by a date night and commitments for us to do as a couple while we were away in the summer, she also felt confused by how id acted on saturday with being jealous. I completely understood, i’m quite a proactive person and had a lot more alone time in the summer whereas she didnt, she was a lot more social, so making plans for things to do together was my way of dealing with feeling a tad lonely (my job was quite a lonely one). Anyway I understood this pressure and explained itd stop, but anyway the next day when we tried to sort it out, the real issue came up, she felt something had changed.

I tried to understand if she thought I had changed (which im certain I hadn’t) and she said no, it wasnt to do with me, the relationship was different, we both got quite upset, and she really does love me, but she said theres was something there. I suggested to give her a break for however long she needed, a day, a week a month whatever to get it all sorted and clear headed. But today she told me she wanted to try otherwise shed regret it, which is what I want I love her so so so much and just want to be with her and be like it was. However i feel like she needs some space, and the only way she’ll truly get a clear head is by not having me around. Trust me I hate this idea but it hurts even more for the relationship to be this way.
What should I do? Should I keep trying like I want to? Or break it off, and just hope she realizes that the only thing that matters is that we love each other and that’s all we need?
Personally I just feel that its feeling weird because we argued when we first met up stupidly, we’d looked forward to being back all summer and its an anti climax, and its just generally something silly, i mean we’ve not even properly chilled together for more than an hour since she got back (5 days ago). I feel we just need to spend sometime together and it’ll go back to the way it was. But I definitely cant ignore her,and if she feels like something serious has changed then It’s important.
What should I do? Should I try? Or give her some space? Its breaking my heart to be like this, and I hate being so damn vulnerable, I’m a strong individual usually but this has just knocked me down.

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Tom

4 Answers

"In order for people to change, they must see a reason to change"

The three main principles of a successful relationship, lies in the ability to apply these principles to your everyday Lifestyle.

1. Loyality 2. Honesty 3. Communication

These three keys go hand-in-hand during your everyday encounters with your loved one. Keeping things Honest, and being able to feel completely stress free when entering the household or during your meetings is essentially what most couples are looking for. However, Unfortunately it's quiet the opposite nowadays. What your looking for is a pure line of communication, to be direct and straight forward in every option possible. To distance yourself from body language, or signals as it adds to confusion. A relationship is about Loyalty, Understanding, Compassion, Honesty and much more. If every time, an certain situation arises and the both of you fail to communicate leading to uncertain situations there won't necessarily be a "reason" or a "motive" for a change to take place. You have to set the line straight, and be willing to enforce and communicate through solutions together. Jumping to conclusions, and throwing each other under the bus is not the answer. Reason, Communication, Honesty and integrity serve the answer but it's only up to you to use it.

In your current situation, I would certainly advise understanding what you want to get out of the relationship. Don't just skim though it, Truly have a moment with yourself to both understand where you are and how you can improve your situation with her in mind. I would recommend your partner do the same, if you need help overcoming problems then seek help through family, friends and your community in general. Having a goal in a relationship, is something you both can connect mutually to reach an understanding towards. If she's unwilling to spot and improve things in the relationship, then I personally think it's time to let go. Overtime you'll realize without relationship maintenance, Perhaps it wasn't meant to begin with.

A great mind once said, "I can show you the door, but I can't make you go through it".

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Panda

1,678

Al is right about the principles and has some great insight here. Really, in this situation it's hard not to hang on to whatever connected you two in the first place, but wishing for things to go back to the way they were is never really an option. Clearly there are some unhealthy qualities to the relationship right now and every couple goes through rough patches. It's great that you've been willing to work at it, as a good portion of our generation lacks that ability these days. You're in a stage of life right now, being in University, that is so busy that it cannot possibly be easy to maintain relationships. You both are going through a great learning period and change will probably occur within the both of you; sometimes that change makes people less compatible or more compatible for each other. I would give it a little more time. I think you handled the jealousy part well, and she does not seem to be giving in the same amount in that you put out. She may come around though and it's never fun to feel as if there is an elephant in the room you can't get out, (referring to the stupid fights). Most importantly, prioritize what is best for you right now because at the end of the day it's human nature to move on and it will be okay in time if it must come to an end. If you see an end in the near future don't make yourself suffer any longer, but you know better than anyone if it is just communication issue because it is incredible how much of a toll misunderstanding can take on the relationship. Really try and find something to do together where you can just take it easy and enjoy each other's company. Maybe if some of the seriousness if taken away things can get better from there. Easier said than done obviously. I really hope things workout!

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K. Nicole

Thanks guys, really thank you, it feels a lot better to be able to talk about this. I'm going to heed both your answers, which were both very helpful. I feel its best we try, but as Al said all I can do is show her the 'door' I cannot force her to do anything, she has to do it herself. So I'll be as chilled and myself as possible, i'll try and get us to just hang out and have a laugh, if she still persists the way she is now, I guess i'll have to end it. That feels awful to say but I accept that what will be will be, life goes on and if It were to end then I can at least have the content feeling that I tried.But I wont worry about that at the moment i'll just focus on trying my hardest to be happy and make things work.

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Tom

6 months is not really enough time to get to know someone, your feelings may be hurt, only for the fact b/c you thought there was a chance. There was a chance and there still is a chance. If having thoughts of breaking up then I would give it time.. since you don't see each other that much anyway. Enjoy hanging out with her, you have to date right now.. get to know each other better, or just go out and find you someone else that you can see more often. Good Luck!

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Some Girl22