should i end it for my sake, or keep it going for hers?

I have a friend. she has liked me for sometime and has now (or she says) fallen in love with me. but i never felt the same way, i told her this time and time again but she still claimed she’d never give up. One day she went insane. Threats to cut herself, take her own life, overdose on drugs and alcohol. at that point i made a decision. i would go out with her until we both went to university or college if your in the US. she was so happy and for a while i convinced myself that i liked her to. But then the depression started to kick in, the urges to cut and drink are starting to return and i dont know how much longer i can keep up with this “relationship.” She has noticed im down but getting a little better but she still thinks i like her as more than a friend but if i end it then i dont know what she’d do, to be honest i dont know if shes bluffing or shes serious. i know ive done a fucked up thing by doing this but im scared and i dont know what to do. please help me.

Category: Dating & Relationships asked July 15, 2013

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Josh

107

4 Answers

Yeah definitely, you shouldn't have led her on like that. I know you had good intentions but still it wasn't right. Regardless, if you are unhappy with the relationship then you need to end it. She will take it badly but you might as well run while you can you know? I honestly don't think she will kill herself, perhaps she just said that to you initially so you would be obligated to go out with her. And she might say those sort of things when you do break up with her, but don't let her guilt you, you deserve to be happy, so be strong. I don't think she will do something stupid, but just run as hard and fast while you still can.

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bricheese

3,768

This is a tricky one.. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to her. There's no point being in a relationship if your unhappy. It wont get either of you anywhere.. I'd cut it off but try and remain friends and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid.

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matthoughton

The first mistake was certainly to agree to her threats. You'd do well in leaving her, but get help for her first, around her circles of family and friends (yourself included) but you do come first in your life, and it's obvious that this relationship is not being satisfactory for you: it couldn't be, as it's not based on love, but on threats. I can only wish you good luck.

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Logseman

244

Honestly? You're a good guy for being willing to sacrifice your own feelings for a friend's safety, but it shouldn't be your FULL responsibility. As soon as she had that breakdown, you should have found her some REAL help, not a temporary fix. I Know you were only trying to help her and that's such a great thing opyou to do. But what happens when it is over? It's obviously not a forever thing for you and cutting off contact entirely may have been better for her than when you eventually separate. I Think you should work on finding someone to help her and THEN end things.I understand that you worry for her, but YOUR happiness is just as important as hers. Don't forget that, okay? Stay strong!

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thissortoflove

213