Should I continue dating her?


Dear all,

I am struggeling with myself in this matter and I would love to hear out some of your opinions about my situation.

I went on holidays about 5 weeks ago, and I got to learn an awesome girl there. I am Dutch and she is German. (the distance is no problem, just in case you’re wondering).

We have been dating for 5 weeks now and because her age (she is 27 and I am 24) she wants to be 100% sure when she will commit to someone again because this should be the last and final one. She is very open and she tells me everything that is on her mind. After 2 weeks of dating she told me this and that she needed some time before deciding it. After being together for 4 weeks I said that we didn’t had to put a label on our “dating/relationship” because it’d give her pressure and that is something she doesn’t want right now. She also told me that because we agreed to do whatever we like because we are not in a relationship that she had a thing going with another guy but she broke that off because she felt like she was cheating on me and she was really in love with me. she even said: “I kinda think I love you” All of this is very nice to hear of course (besides the other dudes part) but we are still not in a relationship and this gives me doubts.

I have this experience before when my ex and she didn’t want to be in a relationship yet because it was too fast after her old relationship but she did it anyway because we were dating for 3 months and she felt sorry for me and then dumped me for another guy… even though she said she was inlove with me.

of course I cannot compare two girls with each other and they are definitely not alike. Even though I have the feeling that I am walking towards the same destiny again… and I don’t want this.

So what do I really want to ask? The girl that I am seeing now, which I am madly inlove with… should I confront her about this? This would mean pressure on her side which she doesn’t want or would I just wait a little longer and respect her whishes? I don’t care to wait, because I know she is worth it. but on the otherhand I might feel she would slip away like this….

Could anyone give me some good advice please about what you’d do in my situation? If you need some more info, don’t be afraid to ask. I could really use some good advice!

Thanks in advance everyone!

Category: asked August 21, 2014

4 Answers

From my experience giving her space is time to think about it is needed. She's making decision what will be what she believe will be the rest of her life. Giving too much time can be a bad thing too. What I done on my part was I called her up and told "I know you're still thinking about our relationship, but why not put that decision on hold. Let go have fun as two human beings. Let forget our problems for a few hours" The thing I remember telling her was that a relationship should be like a best friend. You're dating someone who you want to be comfortable with, joke around with, and who doesn't have to know everything about you, but there for you and tries to do something about you being sad or upset. You know? Just having fun and enjoying yourself with them and they enjoying themselves with you creates a very good positive vibe. I say do some fun things with her, but let her know she can still think about it after the both of you are done having fun. It doesn't have to be often, but something worth having to do. So even if she doesn't at least you have a strong positive energy going for the both of you. But you have to be okay with her decision as well as your own.
hello Roy, you have every right to feel the way you do, but since you two agreed on not putting labels I think you might scare her and make her feel like you're giving her an ultimatum. I would suggest you wait a couple of weeks then bring it up to her. I hope I've helped, good luck.
I agree with the other answers. Relationships can be scary to enter into and love is a very big emotion that not everyone knows how to handle. I would suggest to try and maintain open communication and tell each other how you feel about the situation and each other but that labels really only add the importance you put on them. At the end of the day it really doesn't matter what you call yourselves as long as you are happy. I would focus on being happy and being open and honest with each other. Things should work themselves out from there.
I also think that you need to give the girl time, not to pressure her. she should, if I may say so, enjoy her loneliness and calm life after past relationships. I understand her perfectly, I also had a painful break up six months ago. I thought it was the right person, but in the end, I still can't look at anyone romantically.