Should I come out?


I’ve known I’ve been a lesbian for a few years now, but I never really came out to anybody. I just didn’t want them to treat me differently, and I know for a fact they would. One of my other good friends came out a few years ago, far before I knew I was gay, and my friends started treating her differently. Not badly, everyone is still good friends, but they are just very careful around her and I don’t want that to happen to me, even though I know for the most part they’ll support me. I go to a catholic school, and although my friends are very supportive, the rest of the school is not. My old friend had to move schools because of the bullying, and I don’t want to have to move because I like the school as it is now, its far better than the ones in the surrounding area of where I live. A lot of my friends like to make jokes about me being gay, and I’m unsure if they really already know or not. I haven’t even told my gay friend yet, because she would mock me. I also know for a fact (she has told me) that she likes me, and I don’t like her the same way… I like other people (another story for another time). She thinks the only reason why I wouldn’t date her is my sexuality and I don’t want to have to deal with that either. So my question is, would it be worth coming out? I fully accept myself as I am, and have no problems with myself, however I have a lot of social anxiety and am unprepared to deal with the same reaction my friend had. My family would be 100% supportive of me too, but they would treat me differently as well. It is comfortable where I am at the moment with my friends not knowing, but I feel guilty that I’m not being truthful to them. Any advice?

Category: Tags: asked September 17, 2014

6 Answers

If you're worried about adults and other people at your school, I would say wait until you find one person you really want to come out to. A friend who has come out would be great, but not if they're going to pressure you once they find out. It's worthing taking your time with and you don't have to come out to whole groups of people. You could even tell your parents one at a time, and so on with friends and others, seeing how they react and having support eventually to help make those reactions as peaceful as possible. You don't have to come out now or at any time if you don't feel entirely comfortable. You have no obligation to share your sexuality with anyone, even if it didn't have the risks it has. You don't owe that to anyone except yourself when you're ready to. If you think you're parents would be ok, maybe just come out to them for now and wait until you're confident you can handle the reaction or until you leave school. They may treat you differently, but there's no telling how that will be until it happens. They might be more or less considerate of you. The best way to deal with that is be honest. If you can predict some of the things they might do that you'd rather they don't do in front of you, you can be honest about that. Explicit communication helps a lot with how people treat each other.
Why don't you try coming out to your parents first? You should not feel pressured or obligated to come out to your friends or classmates; it's really none of their business anyway. Especially since you're certain your parents will support you, I think it would do well for your confidence to share this with the two people who you can count on the most! I understand the fear of being treated differently by your peers, but your parents will love you regardless of your sexuality. They will be grateful you were open and honest with them and will probably give the best advice/comfort/guidance you'll ever get for coming out to the rest of the world when you are ready. All the best of luck!!!
Honesty is the best policy, of course they will treat you different but different is not always bad. If they are true friends then you have nothing to worry about. Good luck.
Honesty is always the best policy, but is this one aspect of who you are how you want to be defined? At your age, do you want to be Kayla, or gay Kayla? Again, I'm not saying hide it, or lie about it, but this doesn't seem to be the most important aspect of who you are. I don't talk about my sexuality. I might mention something in context like, my ex wife said so and so, but unless it's important to the topic at hand, I rarely say "I'm straight". If I'm interested in someone, I talk to them. I hope they figure it out. 'Coming Out' has always seemed to me like an overly aggressive action against a relatively small segment of the population who might actually care. Who you are attracted to is between you and them.
Come out. You can never be free if you won't. And when you are not free, you can't be truly happy. People will take it differently, at first, but eventually, they would understand. People would react to it, expect that, but that too shall pass. They can't forever judge you for who you really are, and if they would, then you know who your real friends are and who aren't.
I came out my my school via twitter a couple of weeks ago, and i did it when i was ready, I thought a lot of people would bother me the next day and whatever, or my classmates wouldn't support me at all. One thing that really helped me if is GSA, (gay - Straight Alliance) if they have one of those clubs at your school i suggest that you join it, because they can help you with coming out because they have first hand knowledge of coming out. Also, i reccomend that you come out to a really close friend or a parent or parents at the same time, espicially if you know that they support you. If you ever want to talk or whatever just messege me!