Sexuality Advice Needed

So I am a cis female, and I am currently dating a guy and we have been together for about a year and a half now. I recently began identifying as bisexual, and my boyfriend was okay with that, but mostly because he is interested in a threesome (which I would be okay with). My boyfriend and I have very different sex drives though. He’s the kind of guy that would ideally have sex multiple times a day, where I’m at actively wanting it maybe twice a week. When he asks I’m generally okay with it and I do enjoy the sex for the most part, but I don’t actively seek it with him. Part of that is the fact that I’m definitely attracted to him and love him to death, but the sexual desire is not there. When I think about sex with women though, it really turns me on, and I think I might be more romantically attracted to men, but sexually attracted to women. I haven’t brought this up with my boyfriend though, and I’m still not positive, especially because my experience with both men and women is limited. He is the only person I have been this romantically and sexually involved with. I’m really afraid to talk to him about it though, because I still want to be with him, because I love him deeply on a romantic level and don’t want to lose him, I’m just having issues on a sexual level. So yeah, these are just all of the thoughts going through my head right now, and I’d love to get some outsider views on the next steps I should take to work through this.

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MyName

2 Answers

I've had similar issues. I love my boyfriend of over 2 years and have only ever dated guys, and yet I find girls sexually attractive. I don't think I could date a girl though. Just because your sexuality has changed doesn't necessarily mean things have to change between you two, because at the end of the day, you still love him. All that's happened is the range of people you secretly check out has shifted/expanded :p . The bond you already have with a person can remain, unless you completely stop fancying guys. But maybe it is time to move on? It sounds like you could do with exploring your sexual and emotional range with different people including girls, but obviously you can't do that if you're attached. The person you date should excite you and attract you; just being scared to lose that security blanket is not a good enough reason, and it's not fair on them if you're not 100% invested. Maybe it is turning more into a loving friendship than a relationship. You should take some time away alone to think.I'm not sure what you should do about talking to him though. I'm scared to talk to my boyfriend too. But I feel like me liking girls sexually doesn't mean I have to leave him, and I'd hope he would understand. Try and have an honest conversation with him about it one night.

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J.W

My husband and I have an open sexual relationship. We're both attracted to both male and female partners we chose to have an open relationship due to our large sexual appetites. It was beneficial to us as we're most compatible being long term partners. He's the guy I want to curl up in bed with and tell my secrets. But, we're both open to the concept of having ability to disclose and have our own sexual partners. We also invite others into our bed from time to time.

An open conversation is good for every relationship. Let him know how you're feeling and let him know it's not about him. Because he's going to feel like he's not able to keep you happy which hurts you've got to be kind and help him out understanding that it's about your body and your working on getting through this.

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Swifting

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