Sexual Attraction: So confused, need some help please.

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Ok, so what I call myself pansexual, demi sexual, pan gender. I don’t know if what I’m going through already falls under one of those names. But, as for being sexually attracted to people, I have found that I am sexaully attracted to NO ONE at ANY level of even the slightest significance, EXCEPT for the person I am currently in a relationship with. Like, with my 2 previous boyfriends, I have no idea why I thought they were “cute” or whatever. And I have a girlfriend now, and she makes a game sometimes of pointing out all the cute people- but I never see it. I see potential for it, but there’s no, “oh, he’s cute…” There’s just her. And before we were together and we were just friends I thought she was beautiful but not in that way, you know what I mean?
Anyways, I was just hoping one of you guys might know of a name for this of be able to relate to just being attracted to a single person- your girlfriend/boyfriend- and no one else. Please, any advice, definitions, personal experiences, that’d be great.

Category: Tags: asked April 21, 2014

6 Answers

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accepted
This could just be the way your demisexuality manifests, being exclusively attracted to your significant other alone because of the bond you've formed. Keep in mind also that sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction are two different things--you may not think someone's aesthetically attractive ('cute' or 'hot'). It could also just be a part of your personality. If you're extremely loyal (that's what I'm picking up from this), then your mind may just ignore all other potential significant others because you've already fulfilled your need for one. While you shouldn't let labels control or define you and your actions, I completely understand why having ones that fit is important to your identity. If this answer still leaves questions in your mind, I'd honestly just suggest doing independent research on the range of asexual behavior and how attraction works with different people--google is always a great place to start finding resources. Best of luck!
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Well, i went through my phase like that, but it came from being hurt. So i guess i just more or less didn't like anybody. I went through a bi phase, and just totally gay, but now i'm with my fiance' & he's ALL i'm attracted to, it just may be because you love her.? I don't know all your information, so i don't know that i can help you any more than that, but hopefully it helps some.
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To me it sounds like being demisexual or gray-ace! I would definitely recommend looking at different labels under the asexual spectrum. There are lots of people on the ace spectrum who don't get attracted to people at all unless they are very very emotionally close to them and to me that kind of sounds like what's happening here? I can't entirely relate - I've never been in a relationship and haven't really experienced sexual or romantic attraction to anyone regardless of the circumstances - but I've been trying to educate myself on gender and sexuality for a while now and these are what jump to my mind when I read over what you're saying.
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lables dont matter. love is love and is so hard to find. the only thing that does matter is your happiness. so dont ever settle for less than you deserve. when that special person comes around it will be when you least expect it.
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The inability to find anyone attractive unless you are in a romantic relationship with them sounds like a defense mechanism. This is purely speculation, as someone would need to know much more about you and your life to get any real direction.
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I believe this would qualify as demisexual.

"A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It's more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. The term demisexual comes from the orientation being "halfway between" sexual and asexual. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners." - http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual