Sex + strict parents


Well here is my situation:

I am a 20 year old girl who is in a relationship of 10 months with someone I think may be “the one” in my life. I go to college and I have plenty freedom to party, have my own car and take care of my daily duties, including my internship. My parents are ok with drinking and travelling by myself. One thing they don’t approve is sex. About 3 weeks ago, I have told them I did it with my boyfriend and they judged me a lot. There were anger, slut shaming and disappointment about me… but they made me go to the obgyn and then stopped mentioning the subject.
The thing is, I am feeling completely guilty about the fact that I want to go to the motel/drive in with my boyfriend on Sunday after he comes over to lunch with me and my parents, because they are acting suspicious when we go out together. Tomorrow we’ll be going to the movies and my mom questioned me about the reason I go to the movies all the time, and told me “I am a different person when I go out” which she didn’t explained. I want to know how can we go to the motel for a few hours and keep our so adored sex life alive and healthy even with all the pressure and suspiciousness
I am planning on saying goodbye to him after the lunch, claiming he has his band’s reharsal and that I am visiting this friend of mine whose parents are divorcing to give her support… and then meet him at the motel.

Also, there is another situation: I am going to my bf’s hometown where he lives alone for a festival in 2 weeks. I will be staying at a hotel for the weekend with a friend. I am thinking about leaving my friend at the hotel alone and spending one of those nights at my bf’s place to actually sleep in his arms, which we have been wanting to do for long and never had the opportunity. The city is about 60 miles from here. I am scared to death about my parents finding it out, but I have been craving for that night since I bought the festival tickets.

Can someone evaluate the risks of each of my sneaking plans? I would also appreciate a lot if you guys could advice me on making those plans more convincitive, please. I am extremely worried/anxious and I want the best for my relationship in all of the aspects. Do you think my odds of being busted are high? I need planning and time is running out.


Category: Tags: asked March 13, 2015

6 Answers

It seems to me that the problem isn't with you, but with your parents. If they do find out then you need to let them know that you are an adult, and that they need to respect your decisions. as far as planning goes just make sure that you don't leave within an hour of each other (if that is possible) and come back at different times as well just to prevent suspicion, maybe find a way to prove to your parents that at least one of you was where you say you where (but casually, as in "hey mom! listen to this song that my boyfriend started writhing at band practice today!" stuff like that
You're 20. Your parents don't run your life anymore. You should be able to do whatever you want without your parents budding in.
Don't let your parents shame you into hiding who you are. Maybe talking with them about it and whatever precautions you are taking (hopefully you are being safe). Talk to them about him and how much he means to you and how much you trust him. Sometimes all parents need is a bit of reassurance that their child is staying safe.
If that doesn't work, it doesn't matter, you are independent and if your internship goes well i presume you would get a full time job or something out of it. You are an adult and can make your own decisions.
Regarding your plans for the festival coming up, i think there is very little chance of being found out, it seems pretty watertight to me.
He is not coming back! We would be leaving on afternoon, after the get together is over. Also, I wouldn't be going to his practice, I would be theoretically going to my friend's. His made up excuse is just to let my parents know we couldn't be on the same place, same time.How about my trip? That is the most important plan!
We had those reassurance talks for about a week, and then I got on birth control, so we're safe. Everything that had to be said, was said. Still, they don't approve it and are suspecting me like I'm doing something wrong! I just need advice on planning those 2 scenarios so I won't be busted, because they would be soooo mad....Anti-FeiminstFrank, could you tell me in what situation would they be able to find it out? Just so I can think about an excuse or backup plan.
I had a friend, she was 23, and her parents didn't let her go out anywhere. She had a job btw. She had to ask permission even to go to a cafe with her friends. in the afternoon! Moreover, mom asked for a list with the names of her friends and their phone numbers, so that she would know where to look for her daughter if she is late for at least five minutes. I don't understand such parents.