Serious conversation with boyfriend…

So, my boyfriend and I are going through our worst fight to date. Essentially, he cancelled on me twice when I needed him most and I got angry which got him angry. He’s going through university exams right now and he doesn’t want to talk to me until the end of the week, in which I’m respecting his wishes because he is obviously stressed stressed stressed!
After this, I want to have a serious talk with him, to establish whats going on and ultimately fix it. At the end of the week, I’m going to send him an email describing that he has to write dot-points on what he wants to discuss based on a few topics. When this is done, we will meet up and have a conversation to get us back on the right page and resolve any issues. The dot-points are to help us not to forget anything we want to discuss.
So far, the topics I have are “fight, communication, sex, money, emotions, what I need from you, future”. I feel like I’m missing some key things.
What am I missing? How do I approach this need for a conversation? Is this the right thing to do?
Thank you

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Freya

4 Answers

3 accepted

I think you have a nice idea how to get your points across. Ultimately, you are the only one who knows what you need to express. It's good to have dot-points still sometimes things come up in the heat of the moment as well.

It's hard to figure out something you're not quite sure of what it is that you are searching for, but perhaps try a pre talk with yourself. Feel if there's anything more you need to add. Or writing it down, into a letter of sorts. Read it out loud. Sometimes it helps getting things out on paper right in front of you, and you can see what's there - and hopefully what's not.

Good luck, I hope things work out.

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Hearmenow

1,884

http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2013/02/getting-negotiation-going.html
Cliff suggests this recurring "status of the relationship" appointment where you discuss the heavy stuff once in a while, and in the link you can look at both the practical side of it and an idea of the topics you can talk about. Maybe it can help you with this big discussion that is coming.

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rinseandrep

7,397

Using points of discussion is a great idea! I would suggest writing more specific though, that will benefit you both. For example, instead of communication I would say I feel hurt when you don't ask me about my day. That's something specific you can work on together. And at least he gave you a heads up that he wouldn't be as available as usual, that was considerate of him to think of how you might feel while he's so busy. Thank him for that. My boyfriend and I have to have "organized fights" because if not we just get off topic- it works pretty well. We've both learned to recognize when the other person does something you have asked them to and praised him for it, even just saying thank you will encourage the good behavior to continue. You'll both have to forgive any past hurt to move forward. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU! :)

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Opulent Spy

honestly. honestly. no matter how stressed, or how busy someone can be, they will find the time for the ones they love. always remember that. but since it's obvious you love him. talking to him (whenever you get that chance) will be good, for you and him. so at least you both have an understanding of where you guy's relationship stands. if he replies angry or just not cooperating, you guys may need to take a "break".

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hopenope