Roommate says I spend too much time in room?


Back in October, my roommate and “friend” suddenly started ignoring me and stopped getting lunch/dinner with me (which is something we used to do all the time). She ignored me for a week straight, and then broke the silence by saying:

“Can you go somewhere during the nights on weekdays and weekends because I feel like you’re in here all the time. I feel like you only leave to eat or go to class. I need my alone time.”

I have a lot of difficult classes and I also work. I’m an introvert, so after a day of class and work I’m EXHAUSTED. So, in my down time I like to lay in my bed and watch Netflix and browse the internet. I finish all my homework at the library and never in the dorm room. I sit quietly with my headphones in and I do NOT do anything to disturb her. I admittedly do not have a lot of friends at college, but I don’t mind it and I am happy just being here to learn.

I have tried to stay out as much as possible. I recently told her about my therapist back home and how I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I broke down crying. The only reason I told her was so she would understand I don’t act the way I do just for the purpose of annoying her. However, I still feel unsafe and unwelcome in my own dorm room. I hate being in here when she is in here, but I don’t want to feel like I can’t be in my OWN ROOM that I pay for simply because she would rather listen to music when I’m not around.

I once came back late one night and she told me she had just sat in her bed motionless for 5 and 1/2 hours “doing nothing”. So why is it ok for her to sit around in her bed, but not for me?

What should I do? I have a lot of anxiety about the situation. I feel she only wants me out of the room so she can sit alone to herself. But I don’t see why she can’t do that when I’m in here, because I sit quietly and I do not talk to her if I feel she is busy.

Am I wrong? Does she have a right to alienate me from the dorm room? What should I do?

Category: Tags: asked January 18, 2014

6 Answers

Your roommate needs to understand that you share the room, which means that privacy is sort of non-existent, and the room is just as much yours as it is hers, which means she literally has NO right. If she doesn't want to share, she should buy a one bedroom apartment, which I'm guessing she can't afford. NOW, if she would like to be civilized and work out a schedule where maybe one day a week at a certain time she gets the room to herself and you get the room to yourself at another time, then you can work something out. But since you both pay for the room, you're under no obligation to do such a thing. And let her know, she has no right to make you feel like you can't be in your room. It's YOUR room. Hold your ground. And no worries, you aren't doing anything wrong. Good luck. ^^ Talk to me any time. (:
1. Buy a foldable screen from Ikea or wtvr, or hang up a curtain or something.
2. Relax. You can sit in that room all day, everyday. If she doesn't like it she can try switching rooms or find a different place to sit motionless. This is not your problem or your issue. Doing your homework in the library and going to class/work is more than enough. Oh, and make sure you split the cost of the curtain or screen with her, since she's the one complaining about lack of privacy.
you live there too, you can do whatever you want. if you want to stay to yourself in your room.then do it. don't let her tell you what to do.
Well... In my opinion she wanted to bring a guy for *Nudge nudge*. But that's just my gut reaction from what you said about her reaction.
Well other than that as everyone here had already stated, it's the room for both of you. So unless you give her orders which she follows, you don't have to do anything. If you don't have her do anything then you don't have to do anything for her either.
Suggest her to pursue her own private place somewhere else, parks, church, libraries. She sounds a bit passive aggressive, so if something is bothering her you will have to be direct and ask her about it, but remember that she has no right to be rude to you, so when she is, confront her about it, and do not take it. You can always ask for advice to the floor manager person. That said, it sucks that you are made uncomfortable in your own "home", so look for a backup place to go at when things are too tense so you can get your own relaxed time, museums, aquariums...
Be assertive, you are well within your rights to hole up in your comfortable space, and you are ill-served by feeling that you need someone else's approval to feel comfortable in your own bed.