Reminiscing About My Ex?


Okay so this is a bit difficult to type up–mainly because once it’s all written on a screen, I can’t deny it anymore. Basically, I was in a 5 month relationship with my ex that I met on Tinder. I ended up breaking up with him because of a few reasons. I always felt like our conversations were intelectually dry and I was always one level higher up in terms of maturity. I felt really bad about it because he was homeschooled and there were a LOT of basic things that his parents hadn’t taught him. This was last year and he was 21 at the time. I ended up cutting things off with him, but he also agreed that it was probably for the best so I saw the breakup as more of mutual thing than one-sided. We tried to stay friends afterwards and even hooked up one last time a week later but things eventually fizzled out (as they always do in scenarios like this). Following the breakup I was devastated. Contemplated suicide as I was already struggling with my own issues, and thought about him every single day. For about 8 months this continued and then I finally decided to write him a letter opening up to him about what I had been feeling. It was NOT a love letter, but I did offer him a chance to speak with me about how he felt about the whole situation and he ignored me completely. His mother responded to me on his behalf and said it was best I moved on. Her and I are close so I took her advice and forced myself to pursue other people. I still thought about him but I was crying way less–I was improving. 3 months after that, I met someone at my University. We began talking and things quickly escalted. We began dating nearly 2 weeks after talking and it felt so good. This was a little over 3 months ago and we’re still together. Unfortunately, he’s just graduated and I’m still in school (3rd year). He moved back home across the country and won’t be back here for a few months. Luckily he’ll be living here part-time next year and in his home state part-time so I’ll get to see him every so often. The distance is already excruciating, but we’re making it work. And long distance is not something that’s unfamiliar to me. This new man..he makes me feel alive. I love him with every inch of my being, I really do. However, I’ve found that no matter how much emotion I have for him, I’m constantly thinking about my ex and reminiscing on the experiences we had together. I don’t want to be back with him but he roams my thoughts endlessly. Even when I’m happy?? Sometimes I even cry thinking about how happy I was and how I ruined everything by breaking up with him. These thoughts come out of nowhere and even thought I know deep down inside that I made the right choice, my brain still circulates these thoughts of remorse and regret for breaking his heart. I don’t want him back, but I can’t seem to stop these thoughts from overtaking my mind lately. I’m lost and I’m not sure what to do. Part of me feels like this is just a continuation of the 8 months of misery I went through CONSTANTLY in emotional pain. I’m trying to justify it to myself like maybe this is normal to experience after such an emotional roller coaster? Another part of me feels that it may be the lack of response from his to my letter that is keeping my mind in a constant state of wonder. Wondering what could’ve been and wondering what he’s thinking and if he ever thinks of me. At any rate, I just want these thoughts to go away and stay away. Any ideas?

Category: Tags: asked July 8, 2019

1 Answer

Okay. Look, it feels like you and your ex have unfinished business, which is (1) the letter you have sent and no response from him, and (2) you both just meeting each other and settling it all down once and for all. Sometimes after break ups ex-partners meet again for some kind of reassurance that everything is okay, and that they are both happy with the outcome. This meeting should happen because it might bother you in your current relationship and at the end turn things against you. Moreover, you did make the right choice, for sure, otherwise, you'd be unhappy in the previous relationship as the life would have gone on. It's just this - you're in LDR with your current boyfriend which makes you miss his presence a lot, so you keep getting back to all the happiness you had had before, and try to feel it all over again, running scenarios in your head... Completely understandable. Try to talk to your ex somehow. Make sure he knows that you don't want him back, so he doesn't get wrong thoughts. Talk to his mom, tell her your problem and that you want to just talk, and that it's the only way to end it for you. You said it was mutual thing... I just hope that, even if he agreed on break up, you didn't break his heart... Because if you did, then the meeting might be a torture for him. I hope I gave you some ideas and organised your mind a bit. Good luck ))