Relationship problem , mom doesnt approve my boyfriend


I met my boyfriend at the gym and things i guess took off “fast” like my mother says, and after a few weeks we started dating. Now we get a long great we are going for our 2nd month dating and we have never argued or fought, we just chill and usually eat out. We love the same series and everything , now I spent the night at his house and i got home the next day and she sat me down saying how she has failed as a mother and im doing things wrong and fast.
How she doesnt know him at all, where he works where he gets money (because he has a lot of money ) but his dad is a real state and he works with him some days of the week. Now he isnt close to his mother because she never liked him as a kid so they dont talk, and my mom thinks i should know where she lives and everything. She says she has a dark feeling torwards him ,but it makes me sad because Im the one hanging with him and getting to know him I cant tell my mom every little thing about him he has told me a bunch of secrets. now i absolutely love him and he says he loves me he bought me a promise ring and my mom is like you want to leave with him do it im not giving you money im not paying your university or anything. I havent even talked about leaving home… She makes me very upset and question our relationship, its like she wants me to leave him because of her insecurities with men.Now i never bring him home because she doesnt speak english and cant communicate with him and ifs awkward but we have eaten out like 5 times and he always buys her gifts too. She says she wishes when he came to pick me up, he would come to the door because he usually just calls me saying hes outside …she says she feels its rude what he does… What do you all think?

Category: Tags: asked September 29, 2014

4 Answers

Oh sweetie... Your mom is just trying to help you. She's right, two months is fast, but I'm not saying it can't happen. But you need to be honest with her, tell her what she wants to know about him ect. You have to step back and rationally think about it all from a mothers point of view, would you want your daughter dating and taking off with some guy you barely know and that you don't have a good feeling about?
As your mother, she has a right to question the relationship. Sometimes you need an outside opinion.

You spent the night at the house of someone who your mother does not know? Most parents I know would be worried. Suppose he is the type of person who is irresponsible enough to entertain unscrupulous persons that might take advantage of your without his knowing? What is he going to say to your mother if something like that happened? Oops? She has a right to know the character so that she can be put at ease.

Where does he gets his money? There are some some men who get involved in illegal activities that can put their friends at risk. Yes you know that his father is in real estate. But your mother needs to know as well. Doesn't she have a right to be assured of your safety?

A son not close to his mother is usually a concern for a mother whose daughter is dating such a person. Don't take it for granted that he respects your mother. He needs to prove that to the both of you.

So what if she doesn't speak English? Talk on your mother's behalf. Help her out, let him be aware of the fact that you are willing to show your mother respect. You can't swear that he would do the same for your mother.

It is understandable for her to think he is rude. You are meeting someone you will be spending most of your time with underneath your mother's nose? Why not just let him your mother? She will always be apart of your life.

You can't expect your mother to approve him if he doesn't prove himself to her. Sure you trust him, but why should your mother take your word for it?

We are not always wise in our actions. Be opened to criticisms. At least you will definitely be able to know where your mother stands. Maybe him facing your mother might reveal something in his personality that you would not have discovered otherwise on your own.
Somewhere in between your mom's reaction and what you want is probably the "right" pathway. On the one hand she seems like she's concerned and things are moving fast, on the other her reaction is really aggressive. If you can, try to consider it apart from your emotions and hers. If you care about making your mom like him too, maybe there's a middle ground where you can ease her into it and calm her down a bit. Maybe in that time you'll find more things about him to fight for, too, if it comes down to that. Either way, I wouldn't make any big decisions right now.
I agree with your mom I'm asian my parents are asian too they don't communicate well and if my sisters bf didn't come to the door to pick her up not only would my parents felt disrespected I would too its what guys are suppose to do it may not bother you as it does to parents and I understand but it's always the little things that says the most about a person. And yes two months is very fast my dad also works as real estate and so do i working as a real estate for only a few days outta a week doesn't get paid its a full time job unless his dad is generous which can lead to other problem like is he being spoiled? Is he lazy? Things that you probably think you know the answer to but let me say this how does he act when your not around. My parents always told me in Chinese "I eaten more rice than you I seen more things" lololol I always took it as a joke but after a while they were right they can judge people better than I ever could. So my suggestion is one you will not like slow down try to listen to your mom it takes years to understand someone I'm not saying break up with him I'm saying what your mom is meaning to say and that is be weary of him slow down don't fall too deep so you can put yourself back together if things go bad relationships don't last at a young age figure yourself out first. best of luck :)