Really long friend issues very complicated


Um this will be long and complicated and confusing.. But I really need advice. Please help me 8(

Ok so I met this girl in grade 2 who was mean to me but I always wanted to be her friend and I always wanted to be like her because a boy I had a crush on had a crush on her. (let’s say her name is adrian,my name is melissa, my bffs name is Raine and Nancy is Adrian’s mom and Karen is Raines mom) well up untill grade 5 I was close to her and then she told me she liked a boy i was IN LOVE with, I told her she was backstabbing me and she can have him because he is clearly blind, then I started to like another boy and I didn’t tell her right away untill I said sorry and all was fine and dandy.. The, day, after i told her.

“HEY melissa!”
“Guess what”
“I like Russell..”
I swear at her and walk away
(I am in love with Russell)
(Don’t worry she swears more then me)

After that I run into Raine who is now my best friend because we always have a riot together and we both hate adrian because at this point, I hate adrian.

Over the next month or so I get a pixie cut that I hated and me and adrian get into a series of fights including where she calls me a lesbian, justin bieber, mean and stupid because I got my hair cut. So right back at her i told her nobody likes her and she is fugly (I didn’t know what those things ment). After that we get over it i never like her and I make better friends like Raine, kg,Fk,and Madeline :)

That is not where it ends

I was accused of “stealing” all of Adrian’s friends because they don’t like her but in her eyes everyone loves her. But I never really let that bother me.

Then it’s is (my current grade) grade 6! When all heck brakes loose and adrian turns crazier than a kardashian in a mental institution. She lies to her mom and says I’m bullying her and I bother her and we always fight… Ahem. What? We stopped TALKING when she ran to the left side of stupid and back. The night this all happened was a Friday in April:

Raine calls me

Me:”hey ya”
M:what’s up
R:Adrian’s crazy
M: what else is new
R: no really she’s been spreading rumours about you
M: what?
R: she told her mom you bother her and you guys fight and her mom told my mom and my mom asked me if we fight with her
M:she is so stupid
R: I know

Flash back
Adrian’s sister tells Raines sister everything about me (even lies) and Raines sister tells Karen

Now whenever I bring it up with adrian she cries?
What I need help with is how to stop being friends with adrian without her sister finding out and eventually having Karen find out? I don’t want Karen to think Im mean or anything that I’m not!

asked May 16, 2014

1 Answer

Okay, I'll give you that that is complicated. Now, I'm from the UK, where we don't have the same schooling system, but grade 6 makes you what, around 12 right? If I'm wrong on that I'm sorry.The biggest thing I want to get across to you here is that all of this, however horrible and difficult for you it feels at the moment, it will get easier. You'll move on and it all goes away. These kind of friendship problems happen to may of us when we're growing up, and they suck at the time, but as we get older all of us get better at dealing with it and it doesn't happen, or matter to us, as much.If you don't want to be friends with her any more, that is okay, you are perfectly within your rights to do that. However, she is fully within her rights to tell whoever she wants to about it, so there is nothing you can do to stop that. What you can do is damage minimisation. When you tell her that you do not want to be friends with her any more, calmly and rationally explain why. Make a list of reasons before hand if that helps. Try not to loose your temper, say what you have to and walk away. Don't add fuel to the fire.The other thing I'd like you to think about is what you mean when you say you are "in love" with the boys. I don't want to sound patronising, because I know just how intense those emotions can feel, but they do change. I can remember being absolutely convinced that I would never ever get over this guy that I thought I was madly in love with when I was 12, but guess what, I got over it. It doesn't mean what you're feeling isn't real or valid, but it means that not everything is always as it seems.I hope that helps you somewhat <3