Really don’t know what direction to take my life..

So, I really feel as though I’ve really hit a wall in my life, and I really dont know how to approach it. It involves my future, my job, and particularly my girlfriend.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for around a year and a half. Its the longest relationship I’ve been in and the only time I’ve remained committed. DONT GET ME WRONG. I love my girlfriend, very VERY much. So when you leave your opinions please bear that in mind. To start off, I smoke a lot of pot. My girlfriend, is COMPLELTY against anything like that. For the first six months I smoked behind her back, and when i came clean she nearly broke up with me. Although she didnt, I agreed that I would only smoke by myself, or at work until we move out (which is around a year) and then I would stop completly. Even now im making an effort to wean off, like now I havent smoked in over two weeks. Before people bash on me for smoking, please realize its the only way I know how to coupe with anxiety and insomnia, and I was raised around it. I saw my mother smoking daily by time I was 4.
*Note this isnt a drug abuse question but it is extremly relevant.

Since then, I quit my old job and I know work for my mother and step dad. I HATE my job. My parents are manipulators. Im in a technical college and my schedule drastically changes at semester and its hard to find part time work that can comply with my schedule. And my parents know this, after working a few weeks they deducted my pay and they never treat me like an employee, rather than a son. So bottom line, I can’t stand my job. I didnt even want to quit my old job, it was always expected of me to work here as long as i live with my mom.

Where I work now, I’m extremly lonely. (And outside of work) I dont have any co workers, im no longer in high school, and I moved my senior year so any of my friends live over an hour away. Which you wouldnt think is a problem, but Im not really allowed to see friends. My girlfriend doesnt “forbid” me from seeing my friends, but if I do I may as well do something terrible because shell be mad and moody for a week and complain to me saying I just do whatever I want. Although she does have some reason…in my old town i lived in before my parents started a business its a real burnout place. Im the only one of my friends in college and only a few even have jobs. They are lazy, and certainly bring me down. Currently, the only communication i have with friends is a sometimes talk to a couple of them on xbox on occasion. Although she lets me smoke alone, the thought of me going out and smoking with friends and being around the enviorment really freaks my girlfriend out. And I see it too, my best “friend” the last two times we hungout tried to get me to hook up with his girlfriends friend twice, so hes not very respectful of my relationship. Thats a big reason I like being with my girlfriend, I know shes a good influence on me.

But shes almost the complete opposite, would never do any kind of drug or drink (expect for xanax for depression) which personally, i think its hypocritcal to think xanax is okay if it helps her but pot is terrible if it helps me, but thats just my opinion. So a lot of times, i just feel alone. I cant even talk tk my girlfriend while im at work because shes busy at school all day.

Now to talk more about my girlfriend…personally, I feel as though she cant meet me halfway. The only real issue I have with her is when we fight. She always has to take it to the next level, always gets mad if im ever mad, and always has to say the most offensive thing. She has NEVER stopped an arguement. Im the one who always apoligizes and swallows my pride to make things better, even if I dont feel as though its right. But when were done fighting, shell be as sweet as a button and nice to me. Sometimes I feel as though Im being manipulated.Also, she said she never even wants to meet my friends. She met one, and the whole time he talked about stupid stuff we did when we were younger like getting high, and it really turned her off to the idea of meeting friends.

Although I want better for myself and a brighter future than what my family and friends have to offer, i look at my girlfriends sisters and mother and the men they have, and they ALL seem reserved, and whipped. The COMPLETE opposite of what I used to be. Like i want to be productive but i also dont want to worry about being punished if i have a beer or something when im older and done smoking. It just frustrates me because I feel like I try to do everything for her, and she cant meet me halfway by working on the couple things id like to see different. She says shes trying, and weve fought about it a lot but i still dont see improvement, just the other day She blew up at me because she thought i was taking my moms side on something and she made me feel like im just a baby on my moms tit. (Metaphor)

I know its the guys job generally, but I dont think love should be neither selfish or submissive. When is it too much?? And even if it is,what do i have to fall back on? I can hangout with friends, and become a burnout loser and work miserably for my parents. I just feel like im being manipulated on both sides and need an opinion. Although we have issues, I love my girlfriend and she does have a better intent with me, i just dont know if that comes along with having to bow down. Also, im 19, now is my chance for fun but to me it isnt worth throwing away what could be a great relationship for a couple years of partying.

I just feel like no matter what turn i take, its a wrong one. And I sure as hell dont want to try to “improve myself by my own” that doesnt happen. I need people in my life, and the choices I have are almost complete opposistes. And even if I decide to change so much foe her how am I to know that itll be returned? Even today, i got offered to do a once a week shift at my old job. It sounded great, more money to save towards moving out, wont burn all my money on weed, and I couldve done something a little social. But when I asked her she said it wasnt even an option whatsoever for me to go back there. Like I understsnd her concern, but isnt that tol far?

I dont know…thank you if you took the time to read this. I really needed to get my thoughts out there. Its a hard decision with a lot of factors, and I’d appreciate any advice i can get.

link

Mirraklewhip

3 Answers

Before you read this I want you to realize one thing- I'm a fuck up :) Seriously sometimes i get scared to ask an employee at a store for help because i'm afraid they will be annoyed or angry. Sometimes i choose not to watch movies or T.V. shows because the characters seem happier than me. I'm telling you this because if you are going to take advice from me, i don't want either of us to pretend I'm anything more than I am- which is a citizen from the great nation of misfit buzz-light years and a fuck-up :)It's natural for people to not have a direction they want their life to go in. I know some people who are 40 and have KIDS and they still feel as if they are stuck or, as you said, "Don't know what direction to take their life in". But that's part of life, choosing different paths to see which one we like best.I get it, pot helps you deal with issues. Everyone has their own way to deal with things and this is yours. If you truly want pot to be your way to cope then explain it to your girl friend. Describe to her how you fell without it and how it helps you cope Explain to her that pot is to you what xanax is to her. If you are truly contemplation or have even decided to give pot up look into medications that could help you with anxiety and insomnia. Try different things to see which you like better. Sometimes the answer might just be as simple as changing your daily routine a bit like- go for a jog once a week or even a walk, eating lighter dinners, setting a bedtime and sticking to it or even things like mediation. Either way it's great to see you making an effort to quit pot. So your job sucks, bummer :( Sadly having a job you don't really like can cause you more stress so during your free time look for a new one! Perhaps a work from home job?? Try and talk to your parents, they must have your best interest at heart, hopefully. Friends are one of the most awesome part of life. So some of your friends aren't that successful, doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to them or cut them off. To balance out the influence scale make friends with some people who are happy with their lives, or have a stable job and life. This might also help you, you could get some advice, motivation and help from them. To me your girlfriend sounds like a pretty good person, it seems that she wants what's best for you. Granted being moody when you spend time with you friend doesn't seem rational, but hey she's just looking out for you. Try to explain to her that just the way people except their friend for their faults you do with yours, also let her know that, as you said, you see her reasoning. In the end she needs to trust you that you will stay on the right path and you will need to make rules for your self when you are around your friends (That is if you are concerned that your friends might influence you to do something bad).I'm going to assume that you and your girlfriend are two people who love and care for each other :) , in that case fighting is a good thing,it means you are comfortable with each other, it's a way you can get your feelings out in the open, let the other person know that you are not okay or that you are angry, frustrated or just sad. With that being said there is good fighting and bad fighting, and it's probably a good idea to go over the rules for a good clean fight WHEN YOU ARE NOT FIGHTING. Here are some rules I use, feel free to change them to fit your preference except the first one: 1. No hitting from either sides. That one is bad ALWAYS. 2.No swearing. It hurts feelings and only gets people more angry. Reserve cursing to exclaim about something falling on your foot or on how big a dump is :) 3. No generalizations. Refrain (both of you) from using things like "you always" or "you never" generalizations are generally kind of crappy. Try to focus on the content that started on the argument. However realize that there are 2 arguments going on 1- a content argument and 2- a feeling argument. 4. Sometimes when the feelings argument gets too intense, stop focusing on the content and focus on the feelings. example- "We'll focus on who takes the garbage out later, let's focus on why you are getting so mad about it." 5.Allow yourselves, when things get heated, to have a time out. No judgement, just walk away and get back into it when you can. 6. Neither one of you should threaten to leave just for leverage, that card will get old and annoying and lose it's value quickly and sour the relationship. 7. If either one of you find yourselves saying "you make me feel" or "you always make me feel" and either one of you can trace that back to old relationships, it might be on you. 8. Hear what the other person is saying. example- your partner might say "I don't like it that you don't call me during the day" and you might interpreter that as "you said i don't think about you and you don't take the fact, that i'm stressed and going through something, into consideration," when what you should have interpreted "I don't like it when you don't call me during the day." Don't fight with what you think the other person is saying or thinking, in that case you are fighting with yourself and that's a fight you aren't going to win. In the end make your own choices, have you ever considered that what you need is a close friend, it doesn't even have to be a person you know, just someone willing to listen. I hope everything works out. I'm always willing to help :)

link

Viktoriya

This is a completely honest answer after I read your question. Your girlfriend is overprotective of you doing anything. She is clingy, to put it a different way. Some people like clinginess, but you sound as if you have little to no freedom. She has you on a short leash, and it should be that there isnt a leash at all. I think that she does hold you back, but so do your other friends, and you also briefly mentioned your parents being manipulative. I think you should not have this relationship with her. Thats not an easy thing. But it sounds unhealthy and complicated and restricting. To the extreme. I would try to make good friends at your college. Im still confused about your education situation, but you should try to be more social. You sound lonely with a girlfriend that doesnt want you out of her sight. Its bad, simple as that. Best decision that I can see is to cut her out of your life and find good people to influence you (That dont control your every move).

link

Game

331

Thats a long story but what made me read on was the similarities you've got with your girlfriend and what i had with mine. At the moment it seems to me you're juggling these paths between your girlfriend and your old life, you make it sound as if they're your options but they're not, Do what you love to do, not who you love but do what it is you love to do in life and go for that, if you don't know what it is then go find it. I'm not saying your girlfriend won't be there if you do this.If you're short on time Your question is "Really don’t know what direction to take my life.."My answer would be - Do what you love to do and take your girlfriend with you.

link

Doofy

135