Problems with the perception of the body and jealousy

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Hello.
My problem is connected to my body. Or to be more precise, the way I perceive it. This is of course the cause of further problems. I am a lean person (just because I am), but I have always been dissatisfied with my body. Legs, butt, breast, hands, etc… Sometimes I feel so bad I start crying (like today) standing in front of a mirror. I just want to stay home. Whenever I see a person being thinner that me I immediately start feeling bad about myself and think “why can’t I look like her”. I have a boyfriend (for 3 years now, we live together) who always assures me that I look perfect, that I’m sexy and all the things boyfriend cann assure you about. The worst thing I sometimes happen to think is that he says so, because he is in a relationship with me and cannot say anything bad (I know it is not true). I sometimes feel not good enough for him (he has never made me feel so, this is only because of my mentality). And here comes the second problem – jealousy. I am not jealous of every girl he gets to know. I do not argue with him about them. However I feel jealous everytime any other girl gets more attention from him (like you pay attantion to people you like, a friend or best friend). I am afraid he will find that person better life companion than me. I’m not afraid (like never ever!) he will cheat on me but he will pay more attention to that person, than to me. The fact is he is the student of medicine and do not have much time to spend only with me as he is almost always learning. I am not angry at him as I know he would love to have more time but he can’t, so I try to be forgiving (lenient, I do not know the word), but sometimes it happened he was talking to his friends on Facebook chat than to me (we live in one room). There is also one girl this all started from. Let’s call her Eva. I would love to look like her. She is tall, very thin, photogenic and beautiful (now she has a boyfriend, when he met her, she was sinle). My boyfriend says he does not like the way she looks – she is too thin for him, however I like her look so much it is hard for me to realize it. And this is the girl he was talking to more than to me. I sometimes could not get the response from him but he rushed to the phone every time she sent a message. We woke up, he was taking his phone and without saying “hello” to me started writing with her, because she has sent a message. My mother indirectly contributed to my securities. For 19 years I was listening to all this “I am not good enough for you”, “You will find better, younger and thinner wife than me”, “I’m fat” (in fact she is. She had perfect body before pregnancy, but then she had to take pills that cause many health issues she has to take pills for + they caused gaining weight and made it almost impossible to lose it), “Admit, you fing her more attractive than me”. I hoped I will never do something like that, but now it turns out I am doing exactly the same. I want to get rid of it! I’m tired of that, but I do not know how to do it! I have tried many things but the worked teporarily. Can you try to help me? Maggie.

Category: Tags: asked April 18, 2015

5 Answers

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Hi maggie, I understand the kind of pain you're feeling. I've been there too. Self doubts? Low self esteem, " never good enough" and other mean things you say to yourself. Ive felt the same before. It was like the insecurity was eating me up alive. That I'm not that pretty and that I'm not worth it. It feels terrible. Now, honey. Stop saying bad and mean things about yourself and try to look once more in the mirror. Now, point out your flaws, acknowledge them, accept them. Accept and say to yourself that " even thought I don't like this, I need to deal with this." Now, look at the mirror once more, this time point out your features that you like about yourself. Let's say maybe you have gorgeous eyes, pointed nose, nice lips, smooth skin and etc. Maybe it's not just your physical appearance but so is your personality as well. Maybe you're kind, maybe you're smart, maybe you're a good listener and etc. Once you know what are your great qualities, you'll feel less and less insecure about yourself. Now, don't expect it to totally go away,because there will be times that you'll suddenly feel it.and when that time comes,just don't let it control you. Ignore those negative thoughts and tell yourself that you're a very special person. Especially, in the eyes of your boyfriend, you are perfect.Sure we may feel insecure sometimes, I admit I also feel that from time to time. but don't let it affect you. Love yourself and you'll be much better. Believe that you are special and beautiful Dont let any negativity consume you. And if ever you feel insecure about yourself again, think about your great qualitites and focus on them, you can even Focus on improving yourself and making yourself a better person :) that way, you'll feel less insecure about yourself. Best wishes and I hope you feel much better now. -angelic
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I understand all the insecurities and jealousy you feel. But I think if he says he loves you then you should be happy and live freely with him. And I get it that you think he only says all good things cause you are his gf but there is the point 'you are his gf' just tell me why he would have been in relationship with you if he doesn't love you, he is with you, he admires you and it doesn't matter how you see yourself all that matters that you are beautiful in his eyes and you should appreciate that and stop worrying and live happily with him..
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angelic - I almost cried reading your comment as it is exactly how I feel. Being eaten by my insecurities. I felt better only by reading what you have just written. It is nice to know someone knows what I feel. I think I just got a new energy to deal with this problem. Thank you!!
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Sir Exotic - Oh yes, it helped a lot. It is sometimes good to hear the same thing from person who is not involved in the problem and says thing from the "outside of it". Thank you (:
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Rudransh - I think I will just try to do so.