First off you have to know what Polyamory is: morethantwo.com can help if you don’t.
My husband does not understand polyamory, or what it means to me. Not many do understand.
I am a polyamorist, though at this time i am not living the lifestyle, i still identify with it as part of who i am, my nature.
To me polygamist type love vs monogamist love is much like homosexuality. It can be nature, or nurture, that makes us one way or the other, and it is difficult for the monogamist to understand the polyamorist, as it is for the straight man to understand the gay one.
So i married a monogamist, only to discover my poly nature a few months into our marriage. At first hubby seemed very understanding and supportive, but as time went on and my poly relationships got more serious, i saw more resentment surfacing. He had lied to me, he still doesn’t really understand who i am.
I had acted in the belief he understood, the fact that he didn’t make some of my actions wounds to him. So i have re-committed to him, as a monogamist, but now i feel some resent for him not loving me for me and lying to me instead of giving me a real chance to be myself and take things as slow as he needs to.
Every time i bring up my feelings he has sent me back to the arms of another, telling me to be myself and he loves and won’t leave me. Until the next fight when his lies come out. I just want him to understand.
I don’t care about living the lifestyle. I only want him to love me completely, not have him hate me for who he thinks i am, but understand who i really am and love me.
Switching between lifestyles only switches which one of us feels loved. In monogamy like this i feel cheated and not loved. And of course he feels the same way in polyamory. His feelings are understandable, i just wish he could understand how i love, and how much i love him.
So m question is, does anyone have any advice for how to save my marriage? How can i not feel so unloved with his lack of understanding me? Or does anyone have advice for how to get him to understand?