FIRST I send you tons of Love! And, you can talk with me okay? You have obviously suffered much pain, and been through abuse...you are not alone. This world can be so very very strange. But you need to get the chemicals rebalanced in your brain so you can make your next move in life, and have it be a happy life. I have PTSD myself... people don't realize that it's forever, but one does get past the initial worst of it, thank goodness. I understand. The cutting gives you the sense that the feelings are being released. There are several things here. Obviously, there's the rubber-band trick. Pull it and let it go really hard... it also releases dopamine so you will get tingles. My daughter used to cut... there are techniques for bringing it to a minimum...and eventually stopping. Listen to these, seriously: STAGE ONE: "HEALING SERIES" GAINING CONTROL, CONQUERING FEAR-- MASTER TECHNIQUES! http://youtu.be/x3e_7IRs6Z4
--STAGE TWO: "HEALING SERIES" CONQUERING SORROW, HURT & REGRET -- MASTER TECHNIQUES! http://youtu.be/d1NNRCX-p_0
--STAGE THREE: "HEALING SERIES" CONQUERING ANGER-- -- MASTER TECHNIQUES! http://youtu.be/xN5zrqWg7cs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN5zrqWg7cs&feature=youtu.be
---Other things are food and the water you drink...pesticides and fluoride cause serious problems...including depression. The National Center for Disease published its findings that fluoride causes fluorosis of the teeth and over time fluorosis of the skeletal bones...chipping, easy breakage... but that it also causes calcium deposits on the pineal gland, and your pineal gland regulates melatonin for sleep and both natural DMT and Serotonin needed to feel happy. So if you can not get really clean water or organic food (which most of us in the USA can not)...then here are things you can buy at a store such as wal-mart that will help you... Melatonin, Vitamin-C at least 3-thousand mgs per dosage, bee-pollen & l-arginine which naturally reduce depression... also GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) which naturally relives stress and anxiety, of which the only inexpensive bulk amount I've personally found to get from vitacost.com Let me know if you find someplace cheaper! --The best immediate thing to do is the rubber-bands & as annoying as it can be, keep telling your doctor if the prescriptions for depression aren't working for you...or if they are working but just barely...sometimes it takes a lot of time to find the correct med and the right dosage. GET MEDICINE NOW!--Let your doctor help you with this so you can move to a better place and state of being. --As to suicide... I can understand that too. Oddly, there may be good reason to stick it out & find a path that makes you happy. Trying to see the love and beauty in the world when you've been inundated by horrors is difficult to switch for the mind. There are natural botanical s that many are trying to get the government in the USA to realize are actually medicines. Also, food for thought, I once was in a coma that had to be induced because my lungs stopped working and my heart stopped and they had to put me on life-support. I was completely conscious the whole time, but it was a different experience than just being in my body. (When I came out of the coma what I had heard and seen in the hospital was verified to be accurate...real! As for the other experiences...trying to find my body and having to listen to my daughters voice and follow it while surrounded by darkness but being completely conscious ...believe me...suicide might be far worse.) --So: 1/rubber-band trick 2/ video/audios like the ones I mentioned... HUGE help 3/ natural treatments as mentioned 4/ tell your psych doctor (or get one immediately if you don't have one...and YOU DO qualify for medicaid so insurance is not a problem) that you need to try an different antidepressant or if the one you're on is kind-of-slightly working...tell them that because you need to up the dosage & keep telling them until the dosage amount is right for you. --Hang On! You are not alone in these feelings & experiences, okay? HUGE HUGS!! ~Suzanna
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