Over-bearing mother

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I’m in my late 20′s and currently living at home for a number of reasons (yes, I know, time to move out already….) My biggest issue right now is that my mother is very over-bearing, and ‘expecting’ of me to do things for her that she could very easily do herself (simple day-to-day things that she should be doing herself anyways) it’s become a bit of a habit. She has become very over-bearing since I’ve started a new relationship. I feel I am held responsible for her “loneliness” on the weekends I spend at my boyfriends place. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am not currently in a position to move out on my own, unfortunately, and I fear even if I was it would just be another blame game over me leaving her ‘by herself’. I have tried discussing my feelings with her, but it’s always as if my feelings and opinions do not matter at all. I’m at a loss for what to do or say to improve the situation. I know she will never approve of my boyfriend, and it has nothing do with him specifically it’s just because there’s someone else in the picture now.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice on improving things? I hate to keep going through the arguments, and stress. It’s affecting my overall health.

**Edit – In response to some of the answers, it’s not things around the house (I’m already the only one who does anything around the house, I do it all already, so I don’t need to ‘start’ helping in that respect) it’s more general, and even personal health/care things that she should and could be doing for herself.**

Category: asked January 27, 2014

3 Answers

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Does your mother have a partner or a friend who could come over while you spend time at your boyfriend's? If she does, maybe you could contact them and try to arrange for them to come over discreetly. Your mum sounds lonely which may be the reason she is so over bearing. Getting you to do things for her could be her way of spending time with you. As unnecessary as it may be, you could try and do things that will make her feel valued and that you cherish her as a person. She could be feeling unwanted.
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This does sound like a difficult situation, but it seems like your mum is struggling to accept that her daughter is all grown up now with you being under her roof she probably still feels the need to assert some kind of authority. I'm presuming by your mention of your mothers loneliness that you tend to be the only person she has in her life and she is beginning to play the blame game in an attempt to win your sympathy and affections. Try to remain calm. Remind her that you still have time for her, take her for coffee or even just somewhere where she can meet new people. As for doing stuff around the house, why should it be her job? Equality is key to a happy household, and like you said you're in your late twenties. It wouldn't hurt you to do a few bits and bobs around the house in which you live.
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Your mother is lonely and is displacing her feelings off on you by controlling you. You need to assert yourself with her and spend more time away from home. She is a grown woman and is responsible for herself.