Online relationships???

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Hi. So, like many teenagers my age, I’m kind of involved in an online/ texting relationship with a boy who lives across the country. I know he’s real because I follow him on every social media website ever created and (to be completely honest) he isn’t attractive enough to be a fake. I do have real, genuine feelings for this boy and we have so much in common. I know that’s not really excuse to fall for someone, but I think at this point we can both say we have very strong feelings for each other. We were born days apart from each other, but he’s in a grade below me. Sometimes I feel like the things he says are very annoying and immature (he talks about his SAT scores ALL THE TIME and I hate it—I don’t think the SATs are a true reflection of someone’s intelligence, but he does). Anyway, I’m going to college next year and I’m planning on making new friends and meeting new guys. He’s always telling me about how he’d never even think of getting with another girl and I’m the only one he thinks about, but he’s not the only boy I think about (I go to an all-girls school and I’m very innocent so I get curious). I want to have other boyfriends besides him (if we ever really meet), but he told me he doesn’t want me to hang out with other guys. I know I should live my own life and I shouldn’t let someone else control what I do, but I respect him as a person and the last thing I want to do is make him feel awful. On the other hand, I’ll never be this young again! I want to live my life (and Instagram pictures of everything I do with everyone I meet). It’s really early to be thinking about this but he literally thinks we’re going to get married and have kids, but that’s not my first priority at the moment. I want to be famous and I don’t want anything to hold me back. However, I do want to find out what relationships feel like, and I don’t know when we’re ever going to meet. I don’t know what to do or think at all!

Category: Tags: asked February 19, 2014

5 Answers

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Hi Audrey, by reading your post it doesn't really seem as though you WANT to feel what a real relationship is like at least not in this present moment with this boy. That is the vibe I'm getting. I understand that you're young and about to start college which is great, congrats! Relationships are about commitment, understanding one another, and trust. Because he doesn't want you "talking with other boys" shows he has a lack of trust in you and can lead to arguments if you do pursue this relationship. If you want to have other boyfriends, or you claim he's not the only boy you think about then I believe you should live your life the way you want to live it and break it off. Go have fun, meet new people, and enjoy the college experience. If you however, do want to have a relationship with this online boy then you must be committed to it and have no doubts that it was the right choice to make.
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Sounds like you know exactly what you want to do. 99% of your post was about things you don't like about the guy or your intentions to have some type of relationship with people outside of him. Plus, with him being so clingy and jumping the gun on your future together (this is natural at his age, so don't hate him for it, even if its annoying), he's all but driven you out the door.

Do yourself a favor, break up with him as soon as possible. Do HIM a favor and be honest about all the things that turned you off (basically everything in your post here except the "not attractive enough" part). He may feel heart broken, but in time (sooner than later) he'll realize he never loved you but attached himself to you because you gave him attention. He'll grow from this and be a better guy because of it and perhaps you will move on knowing you helped him see how to not come off so strong with a girl in the future.
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I think you already made up your mind. You cannot live your life being afraid of how he would feel if you did this or that. You know what you should do, so do it and live your life. You have a bright future ahead of you and you do have greatness inside of you, but if you keep worrying about what others might think or feel about everything you does, you will become insecure and you will hold back. Don't ever let anyone hold you back. Live your life on your terms and live it to the fullest!
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It's up to you to decide if you want to spend these last months with him and put aside for now discussing and fighting about your plans for your future romantic life (some ideas on how to look at the last part of your relationship with him http://captainawkward.com/2012/07/02/285-is-it-bad-if-my-relationship-has-an-expiration-date/), or break up now.
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I know you don't wanna hurt his feelings I felt the same way about a guy when I was younger. Like I will never find another guy kinda thing. You have to go cold turkey from him you are not ready for all this yet. Nor, is he and you will help him realize it sooner he will get over it trust me. He is not gonna run after you for years. Block him from everything he will find someone who is ready one day you need to be free for now you shoulden't be forced. I did find another guy and he's great, trust me on this you don't wanna spend the rest of your life and never live or experience you will just regret it later. Also, I know you are curious don't hop into bed because you will be a mommy at 16 but go on more dates so you can find the guy who has equal relations where you both can be happy and stay together.