On sex and communication

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Hi about sex and communication:

How important is being awake for communication before your date or bf tries to go for the money? How would you feel being woke up frequently to feeling him trying to go right into it?

Category: Tags: asked October 24, 2013

7 Answers

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That's something that has to be discussed beforehand. Like with my ex and I, I used to love being woken up to sex, her not so much. So she would do it to me all the time because she knew I loved it. I knew she didn't like it as much so I respected that and only did it a couple times. Once I tried and she woke up and said she was really tired and not in the mood so I stopped.Trust, boundaries and communication.
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Definitely communicate to your partner your preferences. If they can't respect if you don't like it, get out of that situation. Technically if you tell them you don't want it and you are not consenting to it, it is the beginnings of rape.That being said, I love it when my man does this to me. He's not a morning person, though, and has asked me to at least wait until he's had his coffee in the morning before I attempt anything ;)
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The reason I ask is because sometimes it's okay, because sometimes I do like it. Sometimes I am just too tired and just want to go back to sleep lol. It's gotten pushy though(meaning he really wants it and comes on strong, certainly not force or anything - i have no doubt if I really threw out some attitude I'd be in control of the situation) but I've done it anyway even if I wasn't in the mood. I wanted to see if there's advice to decide if that's just me deciding "whatever" and doing it even though I don't really feel like it because I want to be supportive of the sexual aspect of a relationship, or if I should figure out a different way to handle it on the occasions I'm not really in the mood. I tend to do that because I want to go the extra mile and be good at what we do when he wants to do something. I don't want to be in the habit of feeling selfish, or allow the sexual aspect of the relationship to fall into a routine or die all together. In other words I guess I'd prefer too much than too little/none at all. I've been there and done that and it makes a relationship go stale in all ways not just sexually. I hope this isn't too silly but any advice is appreciated :)
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I'd just like to say that attempting to have sex with someone who is asleep/unconscious is bordering on rape...even if he's not full blown having sex with you while asleep, if he's attempting to, touching you, etc....you can't consent when you're sleeping.
My advice is get rid of him because if he's attempting to touch/have sex with you in your sleep, no matter how long you've been dating, he clearly does not respect you like he should.
You never ever ever ever touch your partner when they can't consent to it. No if's and's or but's about it.
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Thanks Lauren. It seems there are mixed views on this. I guess it's confusing because I've said I've liked it before, and I have sometimes, but sometimes I'd rather sleep more but do it anyway because I feel like I've set that expectation up. So I don't know how much is my fault or not really. I've occasionally been very b*tchy and stopped it and gone back to sleep but there are those times I'll just do it. Since I am not consistent on whether or not it's okay, how do you think I should handle it? He's not psychic so I can understand he doesn't really know whats up each time he goes for it. Sometimes I wake up and he's touchy and it feels good and I get in the mood and it's a go. Sometimes I wake up right when he's about to go all the way and I either let him or I don't. Sometimes I tell him I don't want to and if he's persistent I tell him to f*** off lol. But then I feel guilty for having to get to that point. If there's not a better way to figure out how to understand the signals between the two of us maybe I should have him stop all together until we figure it out maybe.
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I'd say ask beforehand and save a lot of confusion!

I hate being woken up to sex. I'm groggy and just not ready to go. My fiance loves it. But try not to go in too strong. Maybe just wake them up to caresses/foreplay unless you know for a fact like can handle more.
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i think that's the way i'll go. heck it just takes a second to ask a question lol thanks all!