Now what.

I’ll save you reading a paragraph, as they can be very unsightly, and boil this down for you in point form:

- there is a guy. He has a girlfriend who is a year younger than us, and whom he has been seeing since October.

- His girlfriend does not love him. I know this via my best friend who is acquainted with this girl. She has said outright that the relationship, I quote, “Will not last once he goes off to university.” He does not know she said this. She also repeatedly talks about other guys and never her own boyfriend.

-These two do not: hold hands, kiss, hang out or eat lunch with each other in school.

-Everybody mutually agrees that these two have a weird relationship that is lacking affection and is nonexistent

- this guy and I used to like each other.

- This guy is vulnerable, suffers from some unknown family problem/ self-esteem issue/ absence of confidence and lacks good making decision skills. He has a good heart, and it is easy to see and feel, believe me.

-This guy told me last year he was not interested in a relationship with anyone, including me. He went to art camp a few months later, had a summer fling which broke my heart, and he profusely apologized about. Our relationship survived that because, despite my anger, I forgave his lack of clarity and hippocratic decision

-He started dating this new girl in the beginning of the year. Before Christmas, he told a mutual friend that he ‘regretted not dating me’ I confronted him about this, and he did not deny it.

-This guy has called me beautiful. He has also made remarks how I am awesome, smart and talented.

- I am hesitate to hang alone with this guy because of the relationship aspect- I do not want to be perceived as a tart and he as a cheat if we spend time together and something were to happen. I do not trust myself or his girlfriend.

- I have feelings for him yes, but they are suppressed, hiding underneath my anger and sadness. It would be so much easier for me to move on if he was in a relationship that might portray that he is in love. I would love nothing more than his manipulative girlfriend to dump him, but that’s out of my control.

As complete strangers and unbiased observers, maybe you can give me a clue on how to feel, what to do next. Should I hang with him? Forget him? Swear off guys forever?

Help.

Category: Dating & Relationships asked April 10, 2014

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MM//2121

5 Answers

Even though you're clearly attached to him, it wouldn't be right to linger around, hoping that his relationship falls apart. I know how hard it is to watch someone who you care about waste their time in a relationship that clearly won't last, especially when they deserve something/someone so much better. You have to realize, however, that he made his own decision to date this girl, and it will be his own decision as to what he will do about it.

Other than how this will affect him, think about what it's doing to you. You should never have to suppress your feelings for anyone, no matter how amazing you think they are. It's gotten to the point where you're angry and frustrated with a situation that you aren't even involved in. Sooner or later, you won't be able to suppress all of those feelings anymore and just might end up doing something that you'll really regret.

It'll be extremely hard, especially since you don't want him to get hurt/you want him to realize that he's just wasting his time, but you have to let him go. If it's really meant to be, then he'll find his way to you without you having to interfere.

Good luck! <3

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xPanda

I feel like, just because of the person i am, i would stick around for the guy. His relationship clearly isn't working out, and he clearly still has feelings for you. I would hang out with him if i was you, it'll be nice for you both. If he is unhappy in his relationship, as friends you should advise him. Hope this helped!

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Brookly Jade

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I think you should hang out with him, and if its nothing but the same thing then move on. He doesn't sound like someone that will help you grow as a person. He needs to figure himself out first before he's ever going to be as serious as you are. Try focusing on yourself and not so much about what's going on in their life. Who knows, maybe it will work out but until then try not to get caught up or involved in the gossip and drama :) Hope this helped :)

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ChilledPanda

Firstly, I just want to point out that a boy/girlfriend is not property and can make their own decisions for who they want to be with in the short and long term - this is just a fact that we must come to terms with, as much as those in unstable relationships may resent it.
Secondly, what everyone agrees about a relationship has nothing to do with how it feels from the inside and the depth of meaning for the people involved in it.
Thirdly, this guy has already had a fling while stringing you along; you may say he has a sweet heart, but is it really worth standing in line for him? His girlfriend makes a good point about school relationships tending not to last when people move away and, to be frank, starting at university is the one time when it's a good thing to be single...
If you're really interested in him and you get on well then why not stay friends with him, exchange emails and stay in touch. Don't gossip about his relationship as this will only distance you from him and make you feel bitter. Either be his friend and talk to him, not about him, or stop pretending he's your dream guy, open your mind to the fresh air around you and think about all the other heads you are turning. Be happy, attractive and unattached. Don't make it easy and let him cheat; keep your options open and give him time to decide.

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Quiet Island

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As someone that has recently come out of a unhealthy relationship with someone that cheated multiple times, I'm going to say what I wish I could say to the girls who cheated with him:He's in a relationship. You know this. Wishing that they will break up and judging her won't get you what you want. You have no idea what kind of person she is, and, you should never wish heart ache on anyone. If you don't trust yourself with him, then you need to back off. If you can be his friend without hurting her in anyway, or judging her decisions, then sure, sounds good. But if you can't stand hanging out with him because you're in love with him, and need him to know this, or if you spend your time wishing he was with you, etc, then you need to move on.Don't jeopardize his, hers, or your own happiness.

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an average girl

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