No question. I just want some guidance.

I can’t imagine cutting myself or committing suicide. I think I could be depressed. I can still laugh, I can still smile, but I don’t like who I see in the mirror and…who I am. I hate myself for being miserable when I have a wonderful family, food, on my table, and expensive items; but I can’t help myself, and I hate myself for that.
I’m confused and stressed. I feel rushed and confused, I’m supposed to “grow up” but the reality is… I don’t want to. I want to be a kid again where I wasn’t self-conscious, stressed, and full of confusion and misery.
I portray my life as an open book, no lies, no secrets, but nobody actually took the time to read my book, nonetheless read it closely enough to discover my secrets and lies, “I’m fine,” “nothing’s wrong,” “I don’t care.” I’m so confused! I try to cry but no tears come, I try to focus but I have a billion things on my mind!
I have a lot of friends and do not appear lonely…at school that is… and maybe I’m not? But when I’m home I feel like I’ve been enveloped by loneliness and I feel, worthless. I long for people to understand me but I fear it at the same time. I know I need help and should tell someone but…I can’t… I just…can’t. I know things will get better but I don’t want to wait for them to get better!

Category: Depression Tags: depressed alone asked November 24, 2013

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Emily

-1

2 Answers

Write everything down. Problems, good things, EVERYTHING, all 1 billion thoughts in your head right now, list, paragraphs, pages, whatever. Just sorting it will help you rest a bit. You need a distraction, a healthy draining distraction. Exercising, Sports, Writing, Reading, ANYTHING. It'll tide you over till it calms down. If you don't find a hobby to fall in love with, then ask for help. Doesn't have to be about depression if you're not ready, just even about finding a hobby, an afterschool club, a band.
the confusion might be from it all being cooped up inside, you need expression. Dancing, singing, anything. Good luck!

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AngelM

341

Get help. Tell someone. Please. I know that it's hard but depression isn't something that you can go through alone. It will eat at you until there is nothing left. Depression is hard & even harder untreated. Don't feel guilty for feeling like you might be depressed because you have things others would love to have. Depression is not about that, depression is a mental illness & it is not something to be taken lightly. If you need to talk, I am always here, all hours. Good luck.

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Sammie