My heart hurts. I feel like im consistantly living with a knot in my stomach. The one i love is a drug user.
Im not. Never been. Im not someone whos understood the escapist mentality behind needing to engage in drug use. I dont encourage him what-so-ever. Lately ive found that he now resorts to sneaking around behind my back and now leaves work early to engage. His entire circle of friends are drug users and he doesnt know anything else.
Why do i stay? This is the one thing thats bad. Seriously. He is my best friend and i love him. Him! The him that isnt under any influence. He says that this is who he is and thats it. I feel like i will never come before this. I have put so much of myself in but what im receieving is second place.
I know the answer to what i should do. Im just completely heart broken and shattetered. No matter what kind of future i can offer him, i feel like im just filler in the moments between. Im not worth it. No matter what i do, ill never be worth it.
