My father looks through everything


My dad always looks through everything I write, type or post. He won’t even ask my permission before looking through my journals and notebooks. He always asks me why I don’t hang out with him very much and, it’s because I don’t know what he has seen, if he has seen my journal entries about him. I have written some very personal things in that notebook and I’m nervous he will bring up one of those topics that I want so badly to be kept quiet. Like sexuality for example. I found out I’m bisexual and I can never be sure if hE has read those entries. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane. I have become depressed from all of this and it’s becoming too much. I have began to carry my notebooks with me everywhere because everyone keeps reading them and I just want to make this stop. Any ideas?

Category: Tags: asked July 11, 2015

2 Answers

Whatever concerns your father has for you, it is never okay for a parent to do something like rummage through your things without your consent. It is never okay for ANYONE to do such a thing.

Yes, he is your father. He is entitled to feel concern over your life. But he is raising YOU, a fellow human being, a child, not training some monkey or cultivating a plant for stock. You are not a piece of clay for him to mold and manipulate to hid liking. That's not how parenting works. You are the one who gets to make the decisions in your life. The only one. And this breach of privacy, this micromanagement of your life, is not okay.

Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child. But when you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:

1. You do not respect their rights as an individual.
2. You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
3. You probably haven’t been listening to them.

It was a breach of your right to privacy for your father to snoop through your things. Why on earth would you want to share something with the kind of person who snoops through your things?

Your father needs to realize that it is not his place to violate your privacy, even if he does so out of concern or "because he loves you". That's not the point. You are a PERSON, and if he respected you, he wouldn't have violated your privacy instead of asking you about this like a normal person.

Talk about this with him. He needs to understand that what he's doing is wrong. He needs to know that this sort of behavior is not okay, and that if he expects you to trust him, he needs to trust you, as well. And if he would continue to do this sort of thing, be blunt: to continue to violate your privacy, he is violating your trust and the mental safety of having your own safe space, and he is giving you every reason to never trust him again.
that sounds rough, I kind of dealt with the same thing. If there's anything I could say from what I've learned is don't let the paranoia the best of you. Keep writing your diary and keep trying to hide it.Some of this comes from other habits but I've done on top of air duct vents in the basement. Maybe keeping an online one that is private? If you wanna go all out, I'd imagine some secret compartments. What sucks is what is done is done though. You could play mind games but that's more terrible to yourself because you deserve the privacy. Maybe leave it at school if you have a locker?I wish you didn't have to do any of this though. sylph hit the nail on the head