My curse in life

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Hey guys. So I have just started college and like during any transition period, I did a self-evaluation to see how I have changed, and what still needs to be changed. Recently I have been trying to come up with a solution for my insatiable hunger for attention, approval, and gratification. I realized that throughout my life, my main focus in life was to make friends, talk to girls, learn cool tricks, have nice things, and do certain other things in my life. I found that all these things were because I find joy in receiving the approval of others, having people notice me and get compliments or acknowledgment. It is why I spent much of my free time chasing women, finding new ways to impress people and most of all making people laugh. While this isn’t the worst way to live I’m sure, it has become a problem; when I do not have approval or the attention of someone during most of the day, I become very upset. This is very evident when I am ignored, or cut off even. It makes me wonder what I did wrong and I feel insulted to a degree.

A prime example of this is my relationship with a girl I like. We have know each other for most of this summer and now that I have hit college and she is into her last year of HS, I love messaging her all day. We were dating but I brought up a serious conversation (yes, IK it was a bit early to do it) and we agreed that we both needed to focus on school, and that in the event we found someone better or who we wanted to have a fling with, we didnt want to have to dump the other and hurt their feelings. So we are FWB now and we talk alot just as always. Only now I am afraid that even after college, maybe she won’t want to date me. Maybe she now indefinitely sees me as a friend only. Did I drive her away with how much I talk, or that I brought up such a serious discussion (I rather deal with serious stuff early on so that Im not so attached yet in the case she leave or something) so early on? Alot of people dislike how much I talk or how I explain things, but I don’t plan on changing who I am just to conform to the preferences of those around me. If someone is meant to be in my life, they will accept me for who I am. If she is right for me, she will come to me when she wants something serious and prove that she wants me as much as I want her right now. But as much as I am open to the idea of letting people go since I know the right girl will come along for me, I still hate being let go, even if she does end up staying my friend. When I get broken up with I feel so inadequate and it really gets to me.

What can I do to feel better or get my mind off of this?

Category: asked September 2, 2015

3 Answers

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Hi. I can relate to this in some ways. I like to have personal things brought up quickly when i'm talking to someone too. The thing is you know what to do because you starting saying about how someone will accept you for you. You really have to start accepting rejection and that maybe everyone won't see things your way but that's completely okay. One day, someone will see the good in you even in your flaws and you'll do the same. Until then, focus on college as it is very stressful alone.
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Seeking the approval of others is dangerous for the mind. It develops the habit of requiring approval for the individual to feel validated, to feel like they exist. Stop seeking approval from others and seek approval from yourself.
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I agree with Jonathan, you have to seek approval from yourself, not for others. Live only for you. This girl, even though you like her, and you consider her a big part of your life, if things work out between you two, great, if not, it's not the end of the world. You have other things going on in your life, good things, and if not, there could be, if only you apply yourself for them. I hope this is making sense, and I hope everything works out for you.