My boyfriend thinks I don’t put as much effort into the realtionship as he does

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Yesterday for valentines day, he planned this whole day out and had a whole surprise schedule with exact times and everything. I ended up being really sick yesterday and a lot of the activities were outdoors in below freezing weather. So he changed the plans halfway through, but when we got home later that night he seemed quite upset and quiet. The whole night he insisted nothing was wrong so I didn’t budge again but when I texted him today he was being all dry so I insisted on him telling me what was wrong, and he sent me this whole paragraph saying how he had such high expectations for yesterday, he wanted me to have a great day (which I did and told him several times as well as thanked him a bunch) and he said he didn’t really enjoy himself yesterday because he felt he did all the work and that I put no effort into it. Keep in mind that he is the kind of guy who likes things done his way and takes control of any given situation. So I just let him plan the day. (But it’s not like I didn’t put any effort in, I bought him a nice tie and baked him homemade cookies with a nice card attatched) He then started comparing it to how I don’t put as much effort into the relationship as he does. Because whenever I’m sick, he’ll bring me a tea or he’ll visit me at work if I’m having a rough day. And I am always so grateful for these things and I always let him know. I would completely do the same things for him but I don’t have my license yet, so it makes things a little bit difficult. I am working on getting my license as soon as possible, but until then I don’t know how to prove to him that I care as much as he does, and just little things to show it.

Category: Tags: asked February 15, 2015

3 Answers

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An example of a small thing would be a guy buying a girl flowers just before he sees her. Sure, you don't HAVE to. It seems pointless. But it's those small things that really show how much you like seeing that person and value them. You did buy him a nice tie and bake him homemade cookies though and that sounds lovely. I can't fathom why he would possibly be angry after that. He could just be disappointed that you were sick and is overreacting, but it's never good to just assume that. It's good that you're communicating with each other at least. Just tell him not to be so reluctant next time to express how he's feeling, it's a lot easier and more effective than holding in feelings. It sounds like he's been holding this over you for a while now if he's talking about past examples which is never EVER good. You both have to be completely honest. My advice right now would be to talk to him and explain to him that you do put effort. If you haven't already, tell him everything you told us. If his complaints seem genuine, then try to do little things for him now and then. For example, if you know that he LOVES mars chocolate bars, then the next time you see him try to sneak it someplace he will notice it. It'll surprise him but he'll know it's you. Tiny stuff like that. But really, if he planned the day it should definitely make him happy that you had a great day. It just doesn't sound right to be angry about that. This is why it's most likely not that and is a problem he's thought about over some time period of your relationship. Seriously, from what I've seen most relationship problems can so easily be solved if both parties were just completely honest with each other all the time.
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You can complement him. Or even a hug. Or. Make him a nice dinner
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Ed is right you had no control over being sick