My boyfriend and I keep arguing for the same reason?

Hi, Caren :)It seems to me that this is a very unhealthy way to run a relationship, especially since you can't voice an opinion/feelings without it turning into a heated debate... So, it's a tricky situation to try and help out. When it comes to someone with ADHD, these things are coded into their personalities as such, so even if you did get through to him, it'd be very very difficult- near impossible, for him to change his ways. But still, you need to be heard and this cant happen too often in a relationship or else it'll fall flat on it's face. I suggest to you to maybe try get through to him, without talking. Possibly write him a note, or a text message. When it comes to him replying, yes it'll be nerve wracking, the anticipation of waiting to know what he thinks/feels in response, but it's what's best for it to become a happy and calm basis for a relationship. Arguments happen in relationships but when it becomes repetitive it does strain the relationship, and it'll end up collapsing.If you feel things won't get better, I suggest to you to end things. Simply because aggressive natures can sometimes spiral and you may get hurt in the long run. Of course, I'm not telling you just to end it because you don't see it getting better... I'm saying, if all else fails like talking/note writing, then it's time to pull the cord on that relationship before you both put so much more time and effort in for it to go down in flames. Arguments can be healthy for relationships, but not when it's an argument over something like confusing subjects in a conversation, and if they're getting so heated you need to storm out, that's another red flag. It sounds like a rather volatile relationship which isn't a great foundation for a relationship at all, and you can only hope things get better for you and him so you guys can have a happy HEALTHY future together.Remember, in a relationship communication is vital for it to last and stay a good relationship. When you can't voice your feelings and trust it to be spoke about calmly, that's another rather worrying thing. Even try talking to him and maybe creating a "safe word" so when things are getting too aggressive, either you or him can use this word and do something calming for you both. I really hope things sort themselves out for you and him, if you need someone to talk to my mailbox is always open :) I wish you the best, good luck x

Tbh the only way is to be straight forward. Tell him directly "look I DESERVE to have an opinion just like you do. Doesn't mean you have to agree with me, but you have to respect it, just like I respect you having yours too". And after that if he keeps going.. personally I think he just want to be right and having his gf always agreeing. My advice like I said is to be telling the truth and be strong and very straight forward, to make sure the message goes through. If it doesn't ... you might start srsly thinking about you guys relationship.. I mean if you guys fight over something that can be so easily avoidable... it's concerning.

Perhaps a direction of de-escalation would prove more useful; look into Socratic questioning. It is the act of advancing a conversation through calm, rational questioning instead of argument. As a classic Arguer type who also has ADHD and is prone to outbursts just the way you've described your boyfriend, I feel that i have some insight into his trouble.

You already know his behavior when he feels challenged. He is also quick to rush into a challenge or even make one, so approach conversation from a neutral point; ask questions, phrase the things you want to say in the form of a question that includes his opinion.

Socratic questioning really is an art form; it is taking information and using it to constantly segue into another question. In this way, you can gently probe him for information without spurring his argumentative nature. Do this until such a time as you can camly sit down together and talk about how your dialogue has grown too aggressive for your comfort level, and how the both of you need to pay more attention to the way you talk to one another.

if you'd like to discuss this further and in private, my inbox is always open at blahtherapy.com/members/blackholehead.