My best friend is friends with my past crush. How should I deal with that?

Let me just begin by saying that English isn’t my native language, so please forgive me if I make mistakes.

Okay, here we go. My problem might seem stupid and not worth talking about, but it’s really bothering me a lot, and I need to know what I should do, and what you guys think.
A couple of years ago I went to this boarding school, where I met a wonderful boy, whom I quickly fell in love with. We never dated, ’cause he didn’t feel the same way, but I was madly in love with him for 8 months. Somehow, my best friend started talking to him on Facebook and Skype, even though they’ve never actually met (she lives in the other end of the country, so I rarely see her, and she’s never actually met the guy, they ‘met’ via my Facebook), and now they’re like.. best friends or some shit. I don’t know, but it seems like they chat and talks on Skype all the freaking time. And it’s killing me. This guy meant a lot to me, he was my friend at boarding school, and even though we never really talked afterwards, he still means a lot to me. He was my first real love, so you can probably see why he means a great deal to me. And of course, my best friend means the world to me also, but I just can’t seem to understand why she needs to talk to my ex-love. Okay, we never dated or anything, but it’s killing me that they’re so close and talk about important and ‘private’ stuff, and today she kinda put him over me.
She’s been out of the country for a couple of days, so we couldn’t skype or chat like we used to, and I’ve really fucking missed her, so of course, I wanted to skype with her as soon as she got home. But no. She was skyping with him.

Now, am I just a complete bitch for feeling like she’s pissing on me (she knows exactly how I feel about them and their relationship), or am I being completely unfair? In my world, you don’t EVER try to ‘steal’ a friends boy-/girlfriend, ex, past lover or crush or whatever. Ever. You stay away from them, ’cause you have nothing to do there, and it’s never ever okay to steal someone from your friend.
I talked to a friend in school about it, and he thought I should give her an ultimatum.. it’s me or him. Now, I don’t wanna do that, but he agreed with me on what I just said by never steal anothers crush/ex/boy- or girlfriend.

What do you think? What should I do?

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Gunnlaugsdottir

6 Answers

Yeah, that's a nasty situation you got there. But let's think about it, sure you still have feelings for him, but as you said, he always wanted to be just friends with you, so a relationship between you two is not on the horizon. The situation in which they met and began to talk is kinda strange and through that they became internet friends. Are you sure they are more then friends? Do they want to be more than friends? If they want to be more then friends, can't you be happy for them? I know, it's your first love and the feelings you have for him still are very strong, but a relation between both of you isn't going to happen but maybe they love each other. Don't put her in the situation of having to choose between one or the other, that's wrong in any situation and if she doesn't chose you it's going to wreck you and you won nothing from it. I've had experience with both sides of this coin. On one side, one of my closest friends fell in love with one strong crush I had.. They started dating and are getting married next year and I was part of the "proposal event"! It made me very happy because from him, she became one of my best friends too. On the other hand, one of my friends feel in love with an ex-girlfriend of mine and I told him it wasn't right.. He understood and kept his distance from her, but i can tell you, boys take these things harder than girls in my opinion. If we ask a friend to leave one of our ex's alone, he probably will. All of this to say that you should try and see how she really feels for him and what he wants out of their relationship, who knows, maybe the love you have for him will fade and you will get to keep your bestfriend.

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LPereira

121

be happy for them...because you sound like a whiney child who did not get their way. ( mine! mine ! all mine !)If you are mature enough to understand what love is , then you would be happy that in this crazy mixed up world of uncertiany two people whom you call your friends found each other and are happy. .. First loves are called first loves because thats what they are, first....meaning there will be a second love third love, etc. They say you never forget your first love,crush,whatever you wanna call it.but geese, dont be selfish about it...Look, a real friend is happy when their friend finds happiness, it should give you hope and motivation to find your own happiness. Get over it ...if he was happy being with you he would still be with you...but sence he and you were never bf and gf that should tell you he may have been your first love, but you were not his. And, if my answer is too mature for you to accept, then you can always think to yourself "she has my leftovers" if that makes you feel any better. But seriously, get over it.

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Robin

1,659

Thanks for your answers, I appreciate it, but I think you've misunderstood me; they're not in love. They're just friends. Him and me never dated or anything, and my best friend have never met him in real life.To Robin, I know I sound whiney, but seriously, would you be fine with your best friend 'stealing' a crush from you? Are you telling me that you would be absolutely fine, with hearing how great and amazing friends they are, and know that your best friend put your past crush before you? Seriously? I'm not proud of how I feel, but I can't see how you or anyone could be cool with that. Isn't it part of the 'friend codex' that you never go after a friends ex, crush or former crush?

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Gunnlaugsdottir

That sucks, and I understand your feelings. It's happened to me and a lot of people I know before. As you grow up, how you view relationships begin to change. And it can be painful. But I promise in a year's time, this too will have passed.I would suggest talking to your best friend about how you feel. Don't accuse her of anything, but make your feelings clear. If she truly cares for you, as I'm sure she does, then hopefully a dialogue will open between the two of you that can help make you feel better about this situation. As for the guy, I would say forget him. I'm sure he's a great guy and everything, but as you said, you don't go to school together anymore (correct?) and he just wanted to be friends anyway. Nothing against him, but you can spend your time and emotions finding a new person. There's always new people. Every great new love you find has the ability to erase the hurts of the old. I never thought I'd get over my first love, and held a big grudge for a long time. All this did was make me cold, and messed up my perspective on the opposite sex for a while. But I found a new girl, who loved me for me, and taught me so much about what I was missing. Don't feel like a crazy person. These emotions and jealousies and issues happen to everyone. Just make sure to talk to your friend - that's the relationship worth fighting for in this situation. I hope this helps in some way!

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