Moving in with boyfriend? Mind has changed. Unsure what to do or think


Hello everyone,

First off, thanks for listening!

Ok, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for close to 2 years. We’re both in our “settling down” stage of our lives. A little while back, he had asked me what I thought of me not resigning my apartment lease and finding a place together. I thought it was a great idea as it would bring us closer (we sometimes have very differing work hours) and this would really help us see if this relationship was going to become something more long term etc.. As time got closer to the end of my lease, things started getting weird and cold between us. I didn’t know what was up. I sat down with him and asked him what was going on. He fessed up saying that he didn’t think he was ready to move in together yet. I must be honest, I was taken aback as it was his idea in the first place and he seemed really gun-ho about it. I said I understood as I didn’t want to push him and would give him time. It’s been about 6 months now, and it seems like we’re nowhere closer to moving in together. He says he wants to be sure of himself before taking this big step- I completely understand that (We both live by ourselves so I know part of it for him is the feeling of losing his independence). I’m just confused as he has lived with ex-girlfriend that was a long term relationship. I told him I would be patient but that I would not wait forever as I see this relationship as being serious (he says he does as well) and that I’m looking for some commitment as I’m not into just flings anymore. I just don’t want to wait around forever and later be heartbroken when I realize it just not going to work.

What does everybody think? Am I being pushy or asking for too much? What would you do or have you done when faced with this issue?

Thank you!

Category: Tags: asked October 6, 2014

4 Answers

If I had to guess I'd say that either he had a really bad experience with trying to get the ex-GF moved out of his place after they broke up OR he's contemplating breaking up with you and doesn't want to get into that kind of logistical commitment until/unless he's sure.
My best advice? Moving in together almost never makes a relationship easier/better. If you're having problems, fix them and THEN think about the next step.
You are not being too pushy. Moving in together is a big commitment, and I feel like you should bring it up again. To me, it seems he is worried that moving in together would stress the relationship (which really means he's afraid of losing you). Perhaps talk with him about it. However, I sincerely doubt his reasoning for not moving in with you is because you are in some way lacking from his ex. Like others have said, he may have felt some discomfort after moving in with his ex, and may not want to re-live that with you. Again, I suggest you talk to him gently. You are not being too pushy. Best of luck!
well, you are in the right and he is in the right as well, you brought up that you are confused because he moved in with his ex and that was long term, im sure that that has been going through his head alot, i think he doesnt want a repeat of that break up. So what he is wanting is to make sure that it is going to bea good long term relationship before hand and your intent is to use the situation to test that. they are both good ideas, but they dont work together. remember that living together doesnt define the relationship. just because you dont live together doesnt make it a fling. I dont think that you should move in together, because if you did it is likely that at least one of you would be uneasy about it and unsure. Just take your time to raise some money and strengthen the relationship in other ways. i hope this helps! and i wish you the best of luck.
u both are right on your part.what you feel is normal,every girl wants some commitment from his bf as she doesn't want to get hurt but if your bf is thinking hard about ur relationship that just means he doesn't want to lose you by making some hasty decision,more of independence there ca some other problems he might be facing,like he anted to have good finance and don't want to burden any case u need to have your feeling sort could just start this conversation one more time with him but remember this time you must hear him and listen to ever single thing he wants to say about ur relationship and then calmly reply him.if you'll be more pushy about it,it would make him feel lot complicated about your whole relationship all you have to do is calmly talk to him and let him tell his feelings towards this.