Married To An Aspie?

1

I am 31 and my husband is 31 as well…we are a gay couple…
for the last 7 years My husband Fern has been aware of his Aspergers Diagnosis and I, Kev, Have done a very extensive amount of research on AS.
I do what I can to help him but I end up being the villain in every argument…I tell him how the lack of action and sense of responsibility is damaging our marriage and he just turns it around on what I am not doing and have done to him…
the last 5 years we have been living with his parents.
I have been able to find a full-time job very quickly when we moved up here and even made it possible for both us to move out with in the first 2 and 3 years we were here . He wasn’t so lucky and choose school…needless to say he never finished because “he didn’t want me to wait for so long for him to finish school for us to move on with our lives” even when it was agreed that I would struggle with work til he finished school and found a job that he could apply his A.A. to and I would drop to Part time…he dropped out a year before finishing…but found a job…and became a manager in a years time.
I was so stressed out with work and home life that I began to have major anxiety attacks and nausea, vomiting and excuse my word choice but began bleeding from my rectum due to the stress…
I actually had to beg to quit my job so he would allow me to do it…because is I quit financially everything would shift from me to him…
one month later I saw he couldn’t handle the responsibility and to make us both not suffer I got another job and started to take control again only to find myself doing everything again!
this has been a reoccurring thing…
he works and that’s it…I have to work and cater to him…
in 10 years I have never received a gift be it Christmas, My Birthday, Anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc. despite the fact I have always managed to get him something of meaning for all our occasions…I feel like I am not valued.
So here we are both making good money with the ability to save and move out but he just doesn’t seem to want to change or help himself or us in anyways…I have pushed him to therapy but he goes into pretense mode and nothing comes of it…
the word alone “Therapy” makes him cringe physically…no joke. it really does.
so I end up going to therapy to see how I can fix myself to help him fix himself…
all I ever got from the therapist (all 3 of them) is to get a divorce. and I have flung that word around so many times over the last few years it has no meaning anymore…
I just don’t know how I can help my marriage…I don’t want to be 40 years old still living with his parents because he can’t handle marriage and an adult life. It has gotten so bad that when he says I love you to me I cringe, When he hugs me I tense and I have to block him out sometimes out of fear that I will yell and hit him…
Help…I think I reached the end.

Category: Tags: asked February 12, 2015

2 Answers

0
I'm not going to tell you get a divorce or yell at him or any of that. Instead the only advice I feel I can give here is to tell you to do what you know is right and make a decision that will ultimately make you happy. Sometimes we have to sacrifice in order to be happy again, and it sounds like you are unhappy to me. I admire the patience you have. You are very honorable. I hate that I don't have a clear answer to this question, but I just wanted to let you know that you should never lose hope. I wish you only the best.
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Well, for one thing in my opinion, if he keeps doing this, I suggest it's time for a divorce.