Living with drug smoking brother help


Hi guys,

I hope you can give me some advice!

I currently live with my brother. He is quite a ‘bad’ weed smoker.

We are both renting from my dad’s house (no parents live with us). He works during the day (unless he calls in skiving which is a common occurrence) and will begin smoking from the time he’s home until the early hours of the morning.

On the weekend due him only working weekdays he will have friends over (EVERY Friday night for last about 6 weeks) and with full knowledge me and my girlfriend have to wake up for 530 to go to work.. All of these friends also smoke weed all night in the house. (Again, my dad’s house).

All of them are inconsiderate of belongings. They have broken a neighbours shed window with a Frisbee. Broke my cage in the garden for my guinea pigs with a football. Lost numerous items from our garden too. They are VERY loud. All night. Slamming things down. Shouting. Cheering. Music.

I don’t care he smokes weed and all his friends do. I care he does it in the house he lives in with me and my girlfriend. We both do not smoke. He is making my girlfriend ill with the constant smoke from the chimney that is his bedroom.

The noise and breaking things is also a problem.

My main question is.. do I tell my dad?

I have put off and put off telling my dad as I don’t want to ‘dob my brother in’ and I really don’t want t to see/know my dad is angry and upset.

My brother is meant to buying the house we live in in a month or so, with some gift money from my dad to help and I feel he’s disrespecting our dad big time.

Once it’s his house he can do what he wants as it won’t affect me/us. Problem is.. neighbours will still be affected by noise, carelessness, and weed smoke coming over their fence when they do decide to venture out side.

Category: Tags: asked June 22, 2014

5 Answers

hey, thanks for your story!yhis sounds like a very delicate problem, which needs a delicate approach. Sadly people with drug issues don't respond well to delicate-ness. Your brother needs a clear message. You tell your brother he maybe has to smoke less, and has to either stop, or move his parties somewhere else. Also inform him why you find his behavior bothersome. Also try to involve your girlfriend for backup! You can use telling your father as a warning for him. If things still don't improve, then just tell your father and see how you will go on from there.You have to be kind of strict i'm afraid. If someone isn't held responsible for his actions, he might never feel responsible for anything .I know you love your brother, and showing concern is also showing him you care.
You've gotta confront your brother about it, be straight and be serious. Tell him that he's gotta respect you and your girlfriends routines and to cut down on the whole smoking thing or atleast be a bit more subtle about it because it's ruining you. If he refuses, threaten him that you will tell your dad if he does not better himself. How long are you staying there?
The best course of action would be to go and talk to him when he friends aren't over so he doesn't have anyone to impress. Tell him he has to start respecting the house and you instead of acting like a slob- ask him to open up his window when he smokes and turn the fan on or just smoking outside if it really smells that bad to your girlfriend. Don't forcefully go telling him he has to stop smoking and threaten him, just kindly ask him to please respect that you live here too and that you want to have some rules yourself- that you don't want to be involved in a house where you can barely get to sleep some nights due to the constant loudness. Get him to see the problem from your point of view and work towards a solution you can both agree on.
he's not going to change no matter what YOU DO... He's inconsiderate and consequentially immature. Putting up with his crap isnt doing him any favors... nor is keeping his secret from dad but i wouldn't tell dad while you are living together because your brother would make things worse for you.

tell him to go live with his pothead friends... why should you put up with this? I lived with an alcoholic brother for years... all i did was take on all that bullshit myself. Its not worth it.
Confront your brother when he's sober seriously. And you need to tell your dad because your dad deserves to know. At the end of the day, your dad will know. Truth can't be hidden forever. And if the time will come your dad will be disappointed in you because you never told him when you knew all along. You and your dad should plan to help your brother. You guys are his hope. Maybe you could straighten his path. There's no harm in trying. If he will continue his habit, he will regret it someday and he gonna have to live a miserable poor life and who your brother gonna turn to? You and your dad. And it's going to cause a pain in the ass. So reach out for him before it's too late.